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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. How sugar is produced from sugar cane. The following diagrams illustrates the sugar producing form sugar cane with manufacturing process.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. How sugar is produced from sugar cane. The following diagrams illustrates the sugar producing form sugar cane with manufacturing process.
#process #sugar #cane #summarise #information #features #comparisons #diagrams #form
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The following diagrams
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the
sugar
Use synonyms
producing
Replace the word
production
show examples
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 with
manufacturing
Add an article
the manufacturing
show examples
 process.
Overall
Linking Words
, the whole procedures occur in seven different steps, including growing, harvesting, crushing, purifying
juice
Use synonyms
, evaporating, centrifuging, and drying cooling
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the process
also
Linking Words
 requires several
mechines
Correct your spelling
machines
such
Linking Words
 as
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
show examples
 filter, evaporator, and centrifuging tool. In terms of producing
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
, the first thing to do is
growing
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 the plants which basically need 12-18 months.
Ater
Correct your spelling
After
show examples
 that,
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 will be harvested either using
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 tractor to reduce the
recidu
Correct your spelling
residue
residual
 from its leaves or conducting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manual
Change the word
manually
show examples
 way by the farmers. The clear stems directly move into crushing machines
then
Linking Words
 pull the
juice
Use synonyms
 out from the
cane
Use synonyms
 which becomes the main
ingridients
Correct your spelling
ingredients
ingredient
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Regarding the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 next procedure requires a limestone filter in order to purify the
juice
Use synonyms
.
Afterthat
Correct your spelling
After that
, the purified
juice
Use synonyms
 pours into
evaporator
Correct article usage
the evaporator
show examples
 which has been heated to get the syrup from it.
Besides
Linking Words
, the centrifuge
mechines
Correct your spelling
machines
also
Linking Words
 will help the next step by separating
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals from syrup,
Linking Words
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
 the drying and cooling methods are
conducting
Wrong verb form
conducted
show examples
 to get the
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 process completed.
Submitted by adibah.r on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cane, juice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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