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Band 4

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #children #parents
There is an idea that
children
’s
activities
 in
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
 should be managed by
parents
,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 some people believe that it should be free for
children
 to decide what they do in their free
time
. From my perspective,
children
 should be managed by their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 in choosing
activities
 for spare
time
by contrast
,
let
Wrong verb form
letting
show examples
children
 pick what they want to do in their leisure may be
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 good idea.
Firstly
, they will have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to discover themselves in
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
Change preposition
of aspect
show examples
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 through experience, learn and absorb new ideas from the activity they choose.
Additionally
,
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a chance to decide what they want to do will help them with personal
growth
 like feeling the emotion of achievement or falseness which is essential for their
growth
 process. I hold the firm view
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
arrenge
Correct your spelling
arranging
 their
child
Change noun form
children's
show examples
activities
 in
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
 will bring certainly benefits.
Firstly
,
parent
 have many experiences so they can make their
child
 choose
activities
 that align with their ability.
For example
,
parents
 can give their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 advice and guide them to choose what is necessary for their
growth
 , through exchange and conversation may bond the relationship between
children
 and
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
.
Furthermore
, it can be essential for
children
 to be managed by their
parents
 in
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
, especially teenagers.
Because when
Correct word choice
When
show examples
parents
 arrange their off-spring
time
, they can know their
children
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
like whether their
child
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 good manners or not, and what is
happen
Change the form of the verb
happening
show examples
 with their
growth
.
Finally
, when
parent
organize
Change the verb form
organizes
show examples
 their
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
time
 logically can
left
Change the verb form
leave
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 image for
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
,
children
 will learn from their
parents
 how to hold their schedule properly
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will help them promote personal awareness of independence.
Although
allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
children
pick
Fix the infinitive
to pick
show examples
 their
activities
 in
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
 may have benefits,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
parents
 always play an important role in
decide
Change the verb form
deciding
show examples
 their
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 free
time
activities
.
Submitted by thuhuyen16992qn on

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structure
Work on creating a more logical and clear structure in your essay. The introduction should clearly state the topic and briefly introduce both viewpoints before presenting your opinion. Main body paragraphs should follow a logical order, each one focusing on a specific idea and using cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs.
clarity
Include a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea. This helps the reader understand the focus of each paragraph and enhances the overall coherence of the essay.
vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely. Avoid repetitions by finding synonyms or alternate expressions.
examples
Provide relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This will help illustrate your arguments and improve your task achievement score.
cohesion
Use various linking words and phrases to clearly show the relationship between ideas, this can improve coherence within and between sentences.
task response
Make sure you fully address all parts of the task. Both views should be discussed equally, and your opinion should be clear throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
grammar
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and ensure proper sentence structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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