Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of school day. Other believe that students should spend the whole day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reason and details to support your answer.

There is a debate over what should be
part
of a
school
day
.
One
side believes that it is mandatory for physical
activities
to be included in daily
activities
at
school
,
while
others say that academic studies should be the main uninterrupted focus of the
day
.
This
essay agrees that
exercise
should be a
part
of
school
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
exercise
plays a big
part
in maintaining your health and it is
also
ineffective to
study
without breaks.
Firstly
, physical
activities
are
one
of the main contributing factors to people's health. Being healthy is
one
of the best ways you can support yourself to
study
because you can fully concentrate on your studies. Exercises
such
as playing sports, yoga, pilates, or even something as simple as walking
that is
done frequently keep your body in good shape. It is proven that doing physical activity
one
to two times a week can improve concentration. As a bonus,
this
would
also
lessen the chances of children getting sick, which would ensure that they can keep studying. A recent
study
has shown that people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
do not have physical
activities
as
part
of their routine perform worse in exams than people who regularly
exercise
.
Secondly
, studying academic materials for a prolonged period of
time
would be ineffective. There's a limit to the period of
time
humans can concentrate in
one
sitting. There is an ideal studying
time
limit which ranges around 20-25 minutes with a 5-minute break, and a longer break after 2 hours. Children would not be able to process all the
information
if they were given too many materials at once. Taking in
information
is not the only
part
of studying, it is necessary to give
time
to process the
information
- to let the
information
sink in, and to assess what you do not understand which would affect what you
study
next. To try and cram a lot of materials at once
in the long run
Add the comma(s)
, in the long run,
show examples
would be more ineffective than taking necessary breaks. A recent
study
has shown that there is a limit to the amount of
information
someone can learn in
one
day
. Why not fill those breaks with
exercise
, which is proven to
also
improve your
study
quality? In conclusion, I strongly agree that including physical
activities
in
school
routines is necessary. It is proven to be beneficial for children because staying healthy would support you to keep studying well, and it is ineffective to only focus on studying in a
day
.
Submitted by acupofbrownsugar on

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Task Response
Ensure your essay maintains a clear position throughout. While your essay does demonstrate agreement with the inclusion of physical activities in the school day, be careful to consistently maintain your point of view in every paragraph without deviating.
Task Achievement
Work on integrating more specific examples and data to support your arguments. Incorporate studies, statistics, or real-life examples that clearly align with your thesis.
Coherence and Cohesion
The organization of your essay is satisfactory, but there is room to further enhance the logical flow between ideas. Transition between points more smoothly using varied linking phrases and topic sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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