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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram illustrates the life cycle process of frogs in a pond.

The diagram illustrates the life cycle process of frogs in a pond.
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This
Linking Words
 given diagram shows
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the levels in the life cycle of a
frog
Use synonyms
 in a pond.
Overall
Linking Words
, eggs are laid and hatch into
emryos
Correct your spelling
embryos
 which later develop into tadpoles and after that, change to adult frogs. In the beginning, eggs are laid in a pond.
Then
Linking Words
frogspawns
Correct your spelling
frogspawn
frog spawns
frogspawn's
 develop into
Add an article
an embryo
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embryo
Fix the agreement mistake
embryos
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 and after that,
embyo
Correct your spelling
embryo
 develops into tadpoles. In the next step, the
frog
Use synonyms
's front
legs
Use synonyms
 start breaking through. After, the
frog
Use synonyms
 slowly begins to step into life.
Some time
Replace the word
Sometime
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 after its side
legs
Use synonyms
 break out,
he
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 starts
of
Change preposition
apply
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pulmonary breathing in its lungs. After these stages, it gradually approaches perfection.
And
Correct word choice
Also
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also
Linking Words
, the
frog
Use synonyms
 emerges from the process in the water to the surface.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, its other organs
also
Linking Words
 develop and slowly approach the verge of becoming a real
frog
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. Its tail shortens and its arms and
legs
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 are noticeably swollen. In the final step, in the process of growth, the attached
legs
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 and hands are opened and his size increases, and during
this
Linking Words
process
Add a comma
process,
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 his internal organs
also
Linking Words
 develop fully.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words frog, legs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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