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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting themain features, and make comparisons whererelevant.Write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting themain features, and make comparisons whererelevant.Write at least 150 words.
#percentage #households #kinds #technology #information #themain #features #comparisons #whererelevant
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The given line graph illustrates
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the changes in the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the US between 1995 and 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that all appliances are increasing throughout the given period, particularly the washing machine that most people are using
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In 1995, the washing machine reached 60% of
users
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 gradually rose until reached its peak in the final
year
Use synonyms
 with an exact 80%.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the computer
hold
Wrong verb form
held
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 the second position in the first
year
Use synonyms
 before had a slight rise to 70% in 1999.
In contrast
Linking Words
, despite the small number of
users
Use synonyms
 in the first
year
Use synonyms
 (approximately 19%), the phone
succeed
Change the verb form
succeeds
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to rose
Change preposition
in rising
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 dramatically and surpassed
dvd
Correct your spelling
DVD
 player and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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. Ended at over 70% in 1999. In regards to
dvd
Correct your spelling
DVD
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
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, it started at above 20% in the first
year
Use synonyms
 prior to
experienced
Wrong verb form
experiencing
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 a gradual fall in 1996. After which, Increased slightly to 40% in
final
Add an article
the final
show examples
 period.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 were the less
users
Use synonyms
 compared to other
technology
Fix the agreement mistake
technologies
show examples
, yet still showed an uptrend until reached
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
half of
users
Use synonyms
 in 1999.
Submitted by fadhlannaufaall on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words users, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • households
  • technology
  • graph
  • 1995
  • 1999
  • televisions
  • computers
  • remained relatively stable
  • significant increase
  • surpassed
  • doubled
  • slight increase
  • suggests
  • growing trend
  • adoption
  • continued popularity
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