ome people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion
There are many important
factors
that influence the development
of a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
children
, especially its environment
. For those who believe friends
and media
such
as televisions or other streaming platforms as the main factors
that help to shape children
's way of thinking or point of view, it may be because in
their perspective, Add the comma(s)
, in
children
tends
to spend more Change the verb form
tend
time
doing activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
such
as watching television, listening to music, hanging out with their friends
, and other activity that do not involve family. Moreover
, they also
believe that those media
have more influence on children
because it could easily catch children
's attention most of the time
, specifically in some contents where it was made to cater to children
's interest
.
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
On the other hand
, there are also
a group of people
that sees
family as the main factor Correct subject-verb agreement
see
to support
Change preposition
in supporting
children
's development
. For these people
who believe in such
Correct article usage
a view
view
, it is mainly because Correct article usage
a view
children
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
is
surrounded by their Correct subject-verb agreement
are
Fix the agreement mistake
families
family
most of the Fix the agreement mistake
families
time
. Children
tend to see, hear, speak, and learn things from their enviroment
, especially their closest one, which is in most cases Correct your spelling
environment
are
their family or the Unnecessary verb
apply
people
they share the place to live. For example
, most of the time
, parents or older figure
who apply gentle parenting to their Fix the agreement mistake
figures
children
will rase
a gentle kid. Correct your spelling
raise
On the other hand
, abusive parents or family environment
will Fix the agreement mistake
environments
rase
a kid with Correct your spelling
raise
mental
Add an article
a mental
the mental
problem
or is having Fix the agreement mistake
problems
a
difficulty Correct article usage
apply
to express
their emotions.
In my perspective, both opinions are valid because it depends on how Change the verb form
expressing
people
view things. But if we dig deeper to
Change preposition
into
this
discussion, family, friends
, and other media
are all important factors
to
a Change preposition
in
child
's development
because they all work together in shaping a child
's personality and what kind of person a child
will be in the future. Thus
, I think that family, as children
's closest environment
and support, need to control on
what type of content Change preposition
apply
that
a Correct word choice
apply
child
watch
, Fix the agreement mistake
watches
hear
, and Correct subject-verb agreement
hears
enjoy
. They Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoys
also
have to make sure that their children
friendship Change noun form
children's
environment
is healthy and supportive toward one and
another.
To summarize, I believe that family, Correct word choice
apply
friends
, and other media
can work together as the main factors
of child's
Correct article usage
a child's
development
. Because with
the help of those, a kid will have a variety of Correct word choice
With
people
and media
to learn.
Change preposition
from.
Furthermore
, I believe that those factors
are as important and if they provide a positive impact to a child
, it will help them to grow in a good way.Submitted by kinantiputriunique on
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coherence cohesion
Be sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly related to it. This will strengthen the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs more naturally, thereby enhancing the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Give specific examples to support your points. These examples help to illustrate your arguments more effectively and can improve the persuasive quality of your essay.
task achievement
Always provide a balanced discussion of both views before giving your own opinion. This shows the ability to evaluate different perspectives fairly, which is key to task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Remember to proofread your essay to avoid grammatical errors and ensure clarity in your writing, as these can impact your coherence score.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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