Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#grandparents #cousins #aunts #uncles #support

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There is an ongoing debate about extended family and whether it is less crucial nowadays compared to the past. My perspective is,

although

Correct word choice

that although

show examples

traditional families were beneficial before, in the modern era

the

Change the word

their

show examples

importance

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is compromised

due to

several factors. The following paragraphs will discuss

this

assertion.

To begin

with, technological

advancment

Correct your spelling

advancement

had

Wrong verb form

has

show examples

changed the culture of communication.

This

means that

improvment

Correct your spelling

improvement

improvements

in technological gadgets made social interactions significantly facil.

This

has altered our need for

phisycal

Correct your spelling

physical

communication and the urge to live with aunts and uncles.

Moreover

, these gadgets paved the way for globalization and made the family less essential in the past decade.

For example

as a result

of simplified interaction without being

limitted

Correct your spelling

limited

by geographical

bounderies

Correct your spelling

boundaries

peaple

Correct your spelling

people

are able to communicate with whomever they want in just a second.

Therefore

, the more

advancment

Correct your spelling

advanced

advancement

societies face, the less crucial extended families will be.

Secondly

, financial

statues

Correct your spelling

status

show examples

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

played a significant role in changing the family system to

nuclear

Correct article usage

a nuclear

show examples

ones

Fix the agreement mistake

one

show examples

. Nowadays

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

fianancial indipendence

Correct your spelling

financial independence

individuals have, it has been considered that they can

bare

Verb problem

bear

show examples

to be

responsibile

Correct your spelling

responsible

for their lives.

This

means that in

comparision

Correct your spelling

comparison

with the past when parents should

have

Add the particle

have to

show examples

support

Wrong verb form

supported

show examples

thier

Correct your spelling

their

children, in

this

era young adults are urged to be

fianancialy

Correct your spelling

financially

stabel

Correct your spelling

stable

before having their own family.

Thus

due to

cultural

diffrence

Correct your spelling

differences

difference

in fiscal

responsibilities

Add a comma

responsibilities,

show examples

the importance of extended family

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

been

limitted

Correct your spelling

limited

. In conclusion, my point of view is, not only for the technological

enhancment

Correct your spelling

enhancement

enhancements

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

for

fianacial

Correct your spelling

financial

sustainablity

Correct your spelling

sustainability

, the essentiality of traditional families

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

been compromised and they are less suitable for

modern

Add an article

a modern

the modern

show examples

lifestyle.

Submitted by imaneslampanahiep on Wed Jan 24 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure throughout, with each paragraph flowing smoothly to the next. This includes using a variety of connecting words and a clear progression of ideas.

coherence cohesion

Include an introduction that clearly presents the topic and your stance, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.

coherence cohesion

Develop your main points with more detail, providing specific examples and elaborating on how technological advancements and financial independence directly affect the importance of extended family.

task achievement

Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. It should be clear, well-argued, and cover the topic comprehensively, including contrasting viewpoints if the prompt requires it.

task achievement

Make clear and well-developed arguments supported by specific examples. Avoid generalizations and make sure your examples are directly relevant to the points you're making.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

extended family
nuclear family
dynamics
financial independence
assisted living
globalization
individualistic
collectivist
traditions
communication technology
family structures
intergenerational ties
elderly care
cultural heritage
proximity

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many parts of the world, people search for family history. Some people think that finding for the previous generations is a thing to do, but others think that it is better to be focus on present and future generations. Discuss both views and show your opinion

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job.On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.