Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
There is an ongoing debate about extended family and whether it is less crucial nowadays compared to the past. My perspective is,
although
traditional families were beneficial before, in the modern era Correct word choice
that although
the
importance Change the word
their
of
Change preposition
apply
it
is compromised Correct pronoun usage
apply
due to
several factors. The following paragraphs will discuss this
assertion.
To begin
with, technological advancment
Correct your spelling
advancement
had
changed the culture of communication. Wrong verb form
has
This
means that improvment
in technological gadgets made social interactions significantly facil. Correct your spelling
improvement
improvements
This
has altered our need for phisycal
communication and the urge to live with aunts and uncles. Correct your spelling
physical
Moreover
, these gadgets paved the way for globalization and made the family less essential in the past decade. For example
, as a result
of simplified interaction without being limitted
by geographical Correct your spelling
limited
bounderies
, Correct your spelling
boundaries
peaple
are able to communicate with whomever they want in just a second. Correct your spelling
people
Therefore
, the more advancment
societies face, the less crucial extended families will be.
Correct your spelling
advanced
advancement
Secondly
, financial statues
Correct your spelling
status
have
played a significant role in changing the family system to Correct subject-verb agreement
has
nuclear
Correct article usage
a nuclear
ones
. Nowadays Fix the agreement mistake
one
for
the Change preposition
of
fianancial indipendence
individuals have, it has been considered that they can Correct your spelling
financial independence
bare
to be Verb problem
bear
responsibile
for their lives. Correct your spelling
responsible
This
means that in comparision
with the past when parents should Correct your spelling
comparison
have
Add the particle
have to
support
Wrong verb form
supported
thier
children, in Correct your spelling
their
this
era young adults are urged to be fianancialy
Correct your spelling
financially
stabel
before having their own family. Correct your spelling
stable
Thus
, due to
cultural diffrence
in fiscal Correct your spelling
differences
difference
responsibilities
the importance of extended family Add a comma
responsibilities,
have
been Change the verb form
has
limitted
.
In conclusion, my point of view is, not only for the technological Correct your spelling
limited
enhancment
Correct your spelling
enhancement
enhancements
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
for fianacial
Correct your spelling
financial
sustainablity
, the essentiality of traditional families Correct your spelling
sustainability
have
been compromised and they are less suitable for Correct subject-verb agreement
has
modern
lifestyle.Add an article
a modern
the modern
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure throughout, with each paragraph flowing smoothly to the next. This includes using a variety of connecting words and a clear progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly presents the topic and your stance, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with more detail, providing specific examples and elaborating on how technological advancements and financial independence directly affect the importance of extended family.
task achievement
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. It should be clear, well-argued, and cover the topic comprehensively, including contrasting viewpoints if the prompt requires it.
task achievement
Make clear and well-developed arguments supported by specific examples. Avoid generalizations and make sure your examples are directly relevant to the points you're making.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example