IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Some people think that young criminals should receive the same punishment as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Opinion

#people #criminals #punishment #adults
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the day some people think that young criminals should receive the same punishment as adults. I disagree
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 opinion
Fristly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, young
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 still is
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 so
they's
Wrong verb form
they are
show examples
 though not yet mature same as adults, they are receptive too
bad
Change the word
badly
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 and
frriends
Correct your spelling
friends
, so receive give for they not suitable.
Secondly
, they need to education from begin again
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
remove
Wrong verb form
removed
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 prison and
recive
Correct your spelling
receive
.
For example
: A
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 commit a serious crime they need to education than
for beating
Change preposition
beaten
show examples
 and
torture
Wrong verb form
tortured
show examples
 there for solve the
proplems
Correct your spelling
problems
 they encounter and find solutions. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree about the problem some people think that young criminals should receive the same punishment as adults.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
The essay lacks a clear and coherent structure. Begin with an introductory paragraph that clearly states your opinion and previews the points you will discuss. Each paragraph should contain a single, clear idea that is thoroughly developed and supported with examples.
grammar
It is essential to pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation, as these errors can distract from your argument and make your essay difficult to understand. Consider practicing sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation to improve clarity and overall coherence.
development
For a stronger argument, include more detailed reasoning and specific examples to support your opinion. Aim to develop the main points with further explanation, evidence, and examples that relate directly to the topic.
conclusion
The essay should expand on the conclusion to reinforce your opinion and summarize the main points discussed. Restate your thesis and the reasons you have provided, ensuring a consistent and cohesive message throughout your essay.
task response
Make sure you respond fully to the task by addressing the prompt directly and presenting a balanced argument. Your essay should indicate the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement, providing a thorough discussion on why young offenders should not receive the same punishment as adults.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: