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Writing Samples /
Band 1

Some people think that young criminals should receive the same punishment as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Opinion

#people #criminals #punishment #adults
In the day some people think that young criminals should receive the same punishment as adults. I disagree
this
Change preposition
with this
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 opinion
Fristly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, young
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 still is
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 so
they's
Wrong verb form
they are
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 though not yet mature same as adults, they are receptive too
bad
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badly
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in
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to
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 the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 and
frriends
Correct your spelling
friends
, so receive give for they not suitable.
Secondly
, they need to education from begin again
than
Correct your spelling
then
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remove
Wrong verb form
removed
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in
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from
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 prison and
recive
Correct your spelling
receive
.
For example
: A
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 commit a serious crime they need to education than
for beating
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beaten
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 and
torture
Wrong verb form
tortured
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 there for solve the
proplems
Correct your spelling
problems
 they encounter and find solutions. In conclusion,
i
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I
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 disagree about the problem some people think that young criminals should receive the same punishment as adults.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

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structure
The essay lacks a clear and coherent structure. Begin with an introductory paragraph that clearly states your opinion and previews the points you will discuss. Each paragraph should contain a single, clear idea that is thoroughly developed and supported with examples.
grammar
It is essential to pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation, as these errors can distract from your argument and make your essay difficult to understand. Consider practicing sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation to improve clarity and overall coherence.
development
For a stronger argument, include more detailed reasoning and specific examples to support your opinion. Aim to develop the main points with further explanation, evidence, and examples that relate directly to the topic.
conclusion
The essay should expand on the conclusion to reinforce your opinion and summarize the main points discussed. Restate your thesis and the reasons you have provided, ensuring a consistent and cohesive message throughout your essay.
task response
Make sure you respond fully to the task by addressing the prompt directly and presenting a balanced argument. Your essay should indicate the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement, providing a thorough discussion on why young offenders should not receive the same punishment as adults.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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