IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people today are drinking sugar-based drinks (reason and solution)

#people #drinks #reason
In the current era, it cannot be denied that numerous individuals are highly enjoying sugar added
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beverages a lot
due to
 some reasons. The first reason is that the
modernize
Replace the word
modernised
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 era where established copious
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cafes and
coffee
 shops that provide
range
Correct article usage
a range
show examples
types
Change preposition
of types
show examples
 of sweet drinks and
coffee
. The target consumers of the cafe are teenagers
while
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
coffee
 shops are adult males
for instance
, in my town
exits
Verb problem
apply
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many cafetarias wich
serving
Wrong verb form
serve
show examples
 variant tastes of drinks.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 weekdays youngsters, usually gather with their friends after school not only
for feeling
Change preposition
to feel
show examples
 the vibes of
picturesque
Correct article usage
the picturesque
show examples
 design of
cafe
Correct article usage
the cafe
show examples
 whilst taking
photograph
Change the form of the verb
photographs
show examples
 but
also
 just
for
Change preposition
to
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 keep ing in touch
while
 having
chit chat
Add a hyphen
chit-chat
show examples
.
Moreover
,
in
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on
show examples
 weekend
night
Fix the agreement mistake
nights
show examples
 the beverage cafes are always packed by the massive youths.
Coffee
 retails are
also
 loved by locals for gathering
as well as
 enjoying the authentic
flavor
Change the spelling
flavour
show examples
 of
coffee
Add an article
the coffee
show examples
.
In contrast
, not many people are fond of
originality
Correct article usage
the originality
show examples
savor
Change the spelling
savour
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
coffee
. They prefer sugary
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 with two
untIl
Correct your spelling
to
 three spoons to enhance the sweetness. The next cause is the tradition of snacky by consuming with
beverage
Add an article
a beverage
the beverage
show examples
.
For example
,
due to
 the tradition of morning tea and afternoon tea
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some countries
such
 as
Indonesian
Correct your spelling
Indonesia
show examples
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
locals
Add an article
the locals
show examples
 enjoy the appetite with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more
savory
Change the spelling
savoury
show examples
 rather than the plain
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 and it is usually with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cake as the dish. To
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 up,
refeering
Correct your spelling
referring
 to the health issue,the government should regulate
transform
Correct word choice
and transform
show examples
 the use of zero sugar by changing the ingredients of the sugar to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthier.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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introduction
Provide a clear thesis statement or a brief outline of the main points you plan to discuss. This will guide readers through your essay and establish a clear structure.
paragraph structure
Use topic sentences to start each paragraph, clearly stating the main idea of the paragraph, followed by supporting sentences that develop the idea.
conclusion
Include a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your thesis in a different way, ensuring a clear end to the essay.
development of ideas
Ensure that the ideas are well-developed with specific examples and explanations to support your main points.
cohesion
Organize your essay in a logical manner with clear transitions between paragraphs for better flow and readability.
grammar
Be consistent in your verb tenses and ensure correct use of grammar to increase the clarity of your writing.
task response
Expand on the solutions provided, giving more detail and perhaps examples of how they could be implemented.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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