Some people think that children should not watch television as it has negative effects while some people believe that they should watch television as it helps them in their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is thought by some people kids should not watch
television
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
as it has damaging effects
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
thought
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
watching
television
programs can bring some advantages in their future. In my opinion, young kids can develop their
language
as well as
their
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
skills
, but it should be under adult supervision
with
Change preposition
within
show examples
a given time.  An obvious advantage of
children
watching
television
is that it provides chances to develop their speaking
skills
and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
skills
.
For instance
,
in
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apply
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certain
Add an article
a certain
the certain
show examples
educational show
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
requires
children
to think
a
Change preposition
of a
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solution in order to solve a
problem
.
As a result
of
this
,
children
are able to practice their
language
skills
as well as
to think out a way to solve problems. Without the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
language
and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
skills
,
children
will not grow into dynamic,
problem solving
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problem-solving
show examples
thinkers when they reach adulthood.
Although
watching
television
shows can help
children
in
the
Change the word
their
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development, it should not
be taking
Wrong verb form
take
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too much
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time.
Children
should focus on other activities,
such
as outdoor play,
art work
Correct your spelling
artwork
show examples
as well as
writing to help them develop their motor and social
skills
. Rather than
children
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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taking part in other
hands on
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hands-on
show examples
activities, they are
instead
choosing to take more interest in watching
show
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shows
show examples
.
As a result
of
this
, the kids lost interest in learning.
To conclude
, watching
television
shows can develop youngster's
language
skills
as well as
their cognitive
skills
, but it brings some negative effects as
children
will
be tend
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
to focus more
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
television
shows than usual
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
.
Submitted by chewweyyan on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Make sure that your introduction and conclusion are clear and distinct. Your introduction could provide a clearer outline of the essay structure and the conclusion should effectively summarize without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with a range of relevant examples and further elaboration. This could include citing statistics, referencing studies, or providing concrete anecdotes to illustrate your claims.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task by ensuring that both views are discussed equally and your opinion is clear throughout the essay. Try to integrate your opinion more seamlessly within the discussion of each view.
task achievement
To present clear and comprehensive ideas, focus on fully developing each point with detailed explanations and supporting details. Avoid superficial or generic statements.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific and varied examples that directly relate to the arguments you are making. Adding more depth to your examples will strengthen your essay and support your points more effectively.
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