More and more fathers are taking break from their careers so that they can stay home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for family than having both parents work full time. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#fathers #careers #home #care #children #wives #work #parents #time

Nowadays, we have witnessed

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

fathers

leave their jobs behind because they desire to contribute to

raise

Change the verb form

raising

show examples

offspring

than

Correct quantifier usage

more than

show examples

ever before.

While

I discuss

male

Fix the agreement mistake

males

show examples

should collaborate to take care

children

Change preposition

of children

show examples

simultaneously with their wives, I do believe

children

need

mothers

more than

fathers

in the process of growth. When the rate of

fathers

' contribution in

rasing

Correct your spelling

raising

show examples

offspring

increase

Fix the agreement mistake

increases

show examples

, not only can

children

be given a chance to interact with both

fathers

and

mothers

, which means that they may create a great balance between their emotions, but

mothers

will play two distinct

roles

in society effectively, as a mother and as a jobholder, which assist them to feel positive. In

other word

Change the wording

another word

other words

show examples

, a myriad of females may feel anxious after giving birth and they may have a sense of solely

during

Change preposition

apply

show examples

rising

Correct your spelling

raising

show examples

offspring, so they lose not only their productivity but

also

their confidence. In

this

case, they would not undertake their duties greatly as a mother and

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

staff. A growing number of research illustrate that

mothers

after having a baby are on the verge of depression, so they had better

Remove the marker

apply

show examples

maintain their

roles

as employees,

instead

concentrate

Change preposition

of concentrating

show examples

rising

Correct your spelling

raising

show examples

children

Therefore

, when men take some days off or even leave their careers behind in order to take care

children

Change preposition

of children

show examples

, they can

fixt

Correct your spelling

face

this

demanding situation.

By contrast

, it is true that both

fathers

and

mothers

play crucial

roles

in the process of growing,

according to

countless psychological statistics, it is undeniable to refuse the vital

role's

Change noun form

role

show examples

mothers

in the several primitive

years

of growth. In the first five

years

, babies are in the most sensitive of their

years

in terms of emotion

in particular

. If

mothers

do not dedicate a great deal of time to

children

or even being swapped for

fathers

, offspring may lose the fundamental time to be healthy individuals in the following

years

. In conclusion, it can be a great notion that

male

Fix the agreement mistake

males

show examples

take

break

Correct article usage

a break

show examples

from their work so as to take care

babies

Change preposition

of babies

show examples

however

, nothing can be substituted for

mother's

Correct article usage

the mother's

show examples

roles

Fix the agreement mistake

role

show examples

specially in the first

years

rasing

Correct your spelling

raising

show examples

, even

fathers

Submitted by nova7innn on Wed Jan 24 2024

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coherence cohesion

As for coherence and cohesion, it is advisable to employ a clearer logical structure in your essay. Aim to have distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences that signal the main point of each paragraph. Also, ensure a more explicit connection between ideas with appropriate linking words.

coherence cohesion

While you have presented an introduction and conclusion, ensure they are fully developed. The introduction should present the topic of discussion and your thesis statement clearly, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize your arguments without introducing new ideas.

task achievement

Your essay would benefit from having more detailed support for your main points. Providing specific examples, facts, or studies that directly relate to your argument can significantly strengthen the essay's effectiveness in persuading the reader.

task achievement

In terms of task response, you should aim to address the question more directly. It's good to present a balanced view, but remember to consistently articulate the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement provided, ensuring your position is clear throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

348 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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More and more fathers are taking break from their careers so that they can stay home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for family than having both parents work full time. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Nowadays people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Write at least 250 words.

Many offenders commit more crimes after their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child‘s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.