IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Every man has a right to proper healthcare.However,private hospitals nowadays are so profit oriented that they are distracted from providing proper healthcare facilities. In your opinion,is this profit making tendency a hindrance to proper healthcare ?

#man #right #healthcare #hospitals #profit #facilities #tendency #hindrance
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All people have a right to appropriate healthcare.
On the contrary
, privately owned health facilities are
fund driven
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fund-driven
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that
Change preposition
in that
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 they are diverted from giving efficient treatment to clients in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent days. In my point of view,
this
 practice of medical institutions being
centered
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centred
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in
Change preposition
on
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 the interests made can in return lower the number of
population
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the population
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 seeking medical care and
additionally
, it can lead to mismanagement of a patient's condition.
To begin
 with,
lately
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lately,
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 medical centres are changing people's attitudes towards the management they
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 since it is solely for the hospital to gain and not for the
client
 to get quality and valuable services.
This
 in turn has really lowered the numbers of citizens visiting the centres.
For instance
, drugs are
over priced
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overpriced
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,
those
Correct word choice
and those
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 who visit clinics are forced to go through expensive laboratory tests which they can't afford. To add
on
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to
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this
,
also
 the cost
to see
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of seeing
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 a doctor is very high making it almost impossible for a common person to make a decision to go to sick bays. Second but not least, there can be
failure
Add an article
a failure
the failure
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 of appropriate care given to a
client
 because the goal to be achieved by medical facilities is for
provitable
Correct your spelling
profitable
 purposes. By
this
 I mean, a
client
 can be diagnosed differently
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 to make more money from her. As an example, if a patient is in labour and should give birth
spontanously
Correct your spelling
spontaneously
then
 they can be tricked and
accept
Wrong verb form
accepted
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 to deliver via
caesarian
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the caesarian
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 section for them to give out
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 sum of money. To sum it all up, I strongly agree that privatized hospitals that are
money making
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money-making
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centered
Change the spelling
centred
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 can seriously hinder effective healthcare provision for the reasons given above.
For example
, improper management and change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
client
's attitudes to visiting
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
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 when they feel unwell.
This
 is a downfall and limits the entitlement to receiving
correct
Correct article usage
the correct
show examples
 care that everybody should get.
Submitted by rebecckwamboka96 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on diversifying your sentence structures and use a range of coherent linking words to improve the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your main points further with comprehensive support, ensuring each idea is fully fleshed out and explained.
Task Achievement
Include more specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. Consider providing real-life cases, statistics, or references to studies.
Task Achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay; while your opinion is present, strive for a more consistent and stronger stance on the matter.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Universal healthcare
  • Privatization
  • Profit-driven
  • Accessibility
  • Patient care
  • Healthcare system
  • Public sector
  • Medical ethics
  • Healthcare disparities
  • Regulatory framework
  • Equitable access
  • Health insurance
  • Quality of care
  • Corporate responsibility
  • Stakeholders
What to do next:
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