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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of male and female worker in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of male and female worker in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #worker #country #b #information #features #comparisons
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The pie graphs illustrate the proportion of men and women
workers
Use synonyms
 participating
different
Change preposition
in different
show examples
 sectors in
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 A and
B
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the vast majority of male and female
workers
Use synonyms
 are working in
service
Use synonyms
occupations
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 A and
B
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the second-highest participation for
workers
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A is
agricultural
Change preposition
in agricultural
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
, only a minority of people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 working in agricultural
occupations
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
. In
country
Use synonyms
 A, just over half of the total male
workers
Use synonyms
involve
Wrong verb form
are involved
show examples
 in
service
Use synonyms
jobs
Use synonyms
 and nearly a third of male
workers
Use synonyms
involve
Wrong verb form
are involved
show examples
 in agricultural
occupations
Use synonyms
. The proportion of female
workers
Use synonyms
 participating
Use synonyms
service
Change preposition
in service
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
 is nearly half and 43% of females are working in agricultural
jobs
Use synonyms
. The proportion of men working in industrial
occupations
Use synonyms
 is almost twice
Correct pronoun usage
that as
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 female
workers
Use synonyms
, exhibiting 15% of the total male
workers
Use synonyms
. In
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, the proportions of males and females working in
service
Use synonyms
jobs
Use synonyms
 are dominating the remaining sectors with 65% and just under 90% respectively.
While
Linking Words
 almost a third of male
workers
Use synonyms
 participate in industrial
occupations
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 fraction for female
workers
Use synonyms
 is just over a tenth. Only
minor
Correct article usage
a minor
show examples
fractions
Fix the agreement mistake
fraction
show examples
 of men and women are working in the industry sector.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workers, country, b, service, occupations, jobs with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce
  • percentage
  • male-dominated
  • female-dominated
  • sector
  • industry
  • disparity
  • proportion
  • predominance
  • statistical
  • trend
  • comparison
  • economically active
  • gender gap
  • labor market
  • employment rate
  • significant
  • minority/majority
  • contrast
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