IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society.Others, however, believe that schools in the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Most of the time, the new generation follows the parents and seniors. People are arguing about the fact that children are learning in
schools
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 and that they are applying the whole thing to
society
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the whole aspect. On the one hand, parents serve as role models for every child. When they are growing up in a family, most of the time every procreator wants to teach them, as they have learned before. They would learn from them the moral norms and how to make contact with others respectfully.
Furthermore
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, every older person wants to show good habits and truthfulness in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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front of all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 because they will emerge as a good human in
society
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.
For example
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, children love imitating their parents and loaders, for that reason sometimes people say ‘’like father like son’’.
However
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, I believe that
,
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apply
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 guardians can not consistently teach and monitor their kid’s behaviour patterns
due to
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 lack of time.
On the other hand
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, the educational sector gives them a good environment for learning the morality of humans. The textbooks and teachers teach how to become a good human in
society
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,
moreover
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, they teach them how to make
a good friendships
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good friendship
good friendships
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 with others and they
are teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
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 them multicultural
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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. Because the
schools
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 are a media for gathering different cultural pupils in every class. From primary school, they are learning
this
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 behavioural activity with them.
For instance
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, government primary
schools
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 admit a lot of students from different areas and the reason is the cultural activity mixed up with them and they have learned and developed themselves. In conclusion, these both areas would be effective for children's lives.
Moreover
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, parental teaching is an effective way of learning and
schools
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 are creating them more productive and accountable in
society
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.

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task achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a conclusion, fulfilling the basic requirements of the task. However, there is room for improvement in presenting clear and comprehensive ideas with better-supported arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve, make sure that transitions between paragraphs are smooth, and the connection between main points is clearer.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points, rather than general statements. This will help to clarify your arguments and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Check punctuations, particularly the use of commas and apostrophes, to avoid confusion and aid readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Moral compass
  • Ethical paradigms
  • Cultural mores
  • Civic duties
  • Socialization
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Pedagogical approaches
  • Value systems
  • Cohesive society
  • Formative years
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