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Band 4.5

According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. Unlike tourists in the 1960s and '70s, they return home with no experience of the loacl culture. why do you think this happens ? How was tourism diferent in the past?

#travel #magazine #tourists #holiday #resort #home #loacl #culture #tourism #diferent
Nowadays, many
people
 want to travel with friends and family during holidays or free
time
 .
According to
 a famous travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. Unlike tourists in the 1960s and '70s, they return home with no experience of the
loacl
Correct your spelling
local
 culture . I think
this
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
. Flights and transfers take
people
direct
Replace the word
directly
show examples
 to their hotel . Many
people
 who arrive will feel extremely tired after a long journey of moving so they are very lazy and just want to rest .
For example
, when they have to go by plane from the England to Hanoi, the distance is very far away, make them very tired and just want to go to the hotel to relax . They don't care and just want to enjoy the rest
time
 .
People
 are not interested in historical culture of all
countries
 and only care about their personal pleasure
such
 as enjoy food , experiencing entertainment areas , and spending
time
 with relatives .
That is
 more attractive than the history of cultural
countries
 .
For example
, they always give priority to help themselves comfortable and spend
time
 with loved ones so that they do not want to waste
time
 for cultural learning. Tourism in the past is different from the present .
Traveling
Change the spelling
Travelling
show examples
 in the past is not comfortable . Travel in the past will not have many shops, entertainment places,
hotels
Correct word choice
and hotels
show examples
,
this
 affects the needs of visitors and makes them feel dissatisfied.
For instance
 , visitors want to buy
monster energy
Correct your spelling
Monster Energy
show examples
 water in Da Nang but they have to find convenience stores to be able to
buy
Correct pronoun usage
buy it
show examples
 . the tourist area has not invested in infrastructure . The amusement parks are designed very simple and not as prominent as it is now because at that
time
 the economy of many
countries
 was not stable, so it could not invest much in facility.
For example
, Vietnam in that period was still a
develope
Correct your spelling
developed
 country so it could not focus on tourism investment like other
countries
.
Overall
 , Past tourism has not developed many
convenience
Change to a plural noun
conveniences
show examples
 for tourists and tourist destinations
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 still rudimentary,
not
Correct word choice
and not
show examples
modern
Rephrase
as modern
show examples
 as today's construction .
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coherence cohesion
Your essay offers some relevant points, but you could enhance coherence by organizing your ideas more logically, using clearer topic sentences, and connecting them with appropriate cohesive devices such as transition words or phrases. Try to build a more structured argument with clear introductions and conclusions for each paragraph.
task achievement
When providing examples, ensure they are specific and directly related to the topic. Aim to develop your main points fully by explaining how they are relevant to the question asked. Also, avoid making generalized statements without backing them up with details.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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