IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

several languages are in danger of extinction because they are spoken by very small numbers of people. some people say that government should spend public money on saving these languages, while others believe that would be a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays,
English
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 is extensively replacing the role of local
languages
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 in the curriculum in many countries.
Therefore
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, many concerns have arisen that these local tongues are under the threat of extinction.
Although
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 the importance of teaching
English
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 is quite high, governments around the world should ensure
safety
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the safety
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 of local
languages
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 by implementing policies that would encourage
native
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the native
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 population to learn their native tongue. The role of
English
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 in the modern world has become extremely essential for people to learn because it gives an immeasurable amount of information and access to anything.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that all sources of media distribute information mainly in
English
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.
As a result
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, more and more people have started to prioritize learning it
in
Change preposition
at
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 the expense of their mother tongue.
For example
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, many countries in the developed world inserted
English
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 as an obligatory subject at school.
Nevertheless
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, local
languages
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 should prioritized as they represent customs and the culture of the nation and they help to keep national identity in
this
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 era of globalization, where cultures have started to merge together.
Therefore
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, countries should implement various policies, which regard education and cultural development.
Such
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 policies would entice
population
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the population
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 to develop the
nation
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nation's
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 identity in some ways,
such
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 as music, poems, books etc.
For instance
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,
one
Correct determiner usage
a
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 similar policy was implemented in Congo, where
local
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the local
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 population did not know its mother tongue, after the implementation of the policy their language was reborn. In conclusion, the significance of studying
English
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 cannot be underestimated and everyone should learn it for their own benefit.
However
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, the survival of other
languages
Use synonyms
 should be ensured as they preserve customs and cultures.

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task achievement
Make sure to discuss both views as the prompt requests. Your essay primarily focuses on one view and touches on the other only briefly, which can affect the balance of your discussion.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. You mention policies and the case of Congo but do not provide detailed examples which would make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay by improving transitions between ideas and making sure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion summarizing the main points and your opinion. Your essay includes both, but make sure they are well-developed and succinctly encapsulate all the key points of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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