It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own businesses, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?
In recent times, job opportunities have been increasing dramatically.
This
means people have more Linking Words
option
than in past. Fix the agreement mistake
options
However
, many young adults decide to run their own businesses Linking Words
instead
of working for others. I completely agree with Linking Words
this
idea and In Linking Words
this
essay, I will Linking Words
suppprt
my reasons with examples.
Correct your spelling
support
Firstly
, Linking Words
this
may lead to Linking Words
succsess
after a Correct your spelling
success
while
. Linking Words
In other words
, after nearly 5 or 6 years you will earn Linking Words
high
amount of money than Add an article
a high
majority
of employees. Add an article
the majority
As a result
, the one would purchase his own house and car Linking Words
with
extortionate prices. Change preposition
at
For instance
, Steve Jobs was one of these humans who inspired many people with his high income and success. Another reason can be that you will be the boss. What Linking Words
i
mean by Change the capitalization
I
this
is that you will not have to commute to your office on a daily basis and you will not be stressed about getting fired. As a Linking Words
consiquence
, you will make orders and be respected Correct your spelling
consequence
from
your staff.
Change preposition
by
On the other hand
, there is an argument that Linking Words
this
might be very risky. They feel that most of these people fail after a year, which means few individuals who are talented can make it. Linking Words
For instance
, in Iran, nearly 80 per cent of humans who launched their own job, could not succeed Linking Words
according to
the news. So, they prefer to work for an employer which sounds more Linking Words
trustable
.
In conclusion, self-employment has become more common these days among humans, Correct word choice
trustworthy
however
, some choose to be employees. In my opinion, the advantages of having your own job outweigh any downsides.Linking Words
Submitted by Ah.mahdavi1365 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider expanding your essay by providing a more substantial introduction and conclusion. Clearly restate the essay question and give a preview of your main points in the introduction. Similarly, your conclusion should summarize your arguments and clearly restate your position. This helps in reinforcing your stance to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to improve the logical flow of your essay. Phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Another reason,' and 'On the other hand,' are a good start, but strive to use a greater variety of linking phrases and topic sentences to enhance logical connectivity.
Task Achievement
Present more nuanced ideas and arguments in your essay. For each point you make, explain it further, and relate it back to the question. This will make your essay more comprehensive and persuasive.
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Enrich your essay with more specific examples and evidence. Go beyond general statements and illustrate your points with concrete instances or data when possible. This adds credibility to your arguments.