An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their apperance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
There are a rising number group of
people
that
prefer to Correct pronoun usage
who
take
surgery to improve their looks. From my Verb problem
get
prespective
, Correct your spelling
perspective
this
phenomenon is going to
Change preposition
in
positive
way because Correct article usage
a positive
people
want to take an
extreme Correct article usage
apply
measure
to reshape their face or body to become Fix the agreement mistake
measures
a
beautiful Correct article usage
apply
person
.
Beautiful or handsome Fix the agreement mistake
people
people
tend to get more benefit
than not to good looking Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
person
. Many Fix the agreement mistake
people
benefit
variaties
is provided in Correct your spelling
varieties
social
way, Change the article
a social
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
people
more kind and approachable to you, will more
less wary to you, you can be more easily forgiven if do Change the word
apply
a bad deeds
and many other Correct the article-noun agreement
bad deeds
a bad deed
socially
Change the word
social
benefit
. The reason why this
situation is
Unnecessary verb
apply
occured
because Correct your spelling
occurs
hu-man
have a tendency to Correct your spelling
human
like
see a Add the particle
like to
gorgeus
, cute or loveable face. The best example that we can see is in the appearance and looks of a baby, we will see them in a good way in everything they do.
The Correct your spelling
gorgeous
benefit
for attractive
Add an article
an attractive
the attractive
person
not
just come from Add a missing verb
does not
outside
but Correct article usage
the outside
came
from inside Wrong verb form
comes
ourself
, the Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
benefit
is called confidence. Confidence makes a person
to more
believe in Rephrase
apply
them self
, Correct your spelling
themself
themselves
to believe
that they can do everything and take any opportunity that Verb problem
apply
land
in their hand. Change the verb form
lands
Furthermore
, people
with great confidence have a bigger change
to Correct your spelling
chance
laid
in their dream job, get the partner that they want and other great things, the reason is they can convince other Replace the word
lie
people
that they are the right person
for everything.
To concluded
, with Change the form of the verb
conclude
better
Correct article usage
a better
appreance
Correct your spelling
appearance
people
can change the direction of their life
to a better one. To increase the chance for a better condition I think to do Fix the agreement mistake
lives
operation
is a positive approach, if you have the budget Add an article
the operation
to
it.Change preposition
for
Submitted by awalia.septiani.17 on
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Task Achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt, but it should offer a balanced discussion of both perspectives (positive and negative) regarding cosmetic surgery. Consider giving equal weight to contrasting views on the issue to meet task requirements fully.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay shows basic coherence and cohesion with some organization. However, the logical flow can be improved by creating clearer topic sentences and ensuring that each paragraph focuses on one main idea. Moreover, strive for a variety of cohesive devices and proper paragraphing.
Task Achievement
Make sure to include specific examples to support your main points. While some benefits are mentioned, a balance of specific supportive examples and elaboration would strengthen the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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