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Band 4

people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones. Are you agree or desagree?

#people #museums #town #halls #ones #desagree
Nowadays, people believe that it is better to build new
museums
 and
town
halls
instead
 of renovating the old ones. I disagree because if we build new
museums
 and
town
halls
 we are wasting
money
 and we are losing part of the city´s
history
. First of all, It is easier to renovate the old structures because it is not necessary to buy
the
Correct determiner usage
all the
show examples
whole
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
materials to build new ones, we use fewer materials and we save
money
.
Moreover
, if we build new
museums
 and
town
halls
, it is going to take more time because we have to find where we are going to build those and
also
 we have to pay for the construction authorization. It means that we are paying more and more for things that the city already has
instead
 of spending less
money
 and saving time.
On the other hand
, renovating old
museums
 and
town
halls
 is a way to keep the
history
 of the city. Traditional architecture is essential because behind it is always a story.
Museums
 and
town
halls
 tell a story about how everything began, it makes the people understand how our ancestors used to live. In my point of view,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old structures are very important to keep
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
,
renovated
Correct word choice
and renovated
show examples
those
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 contribute to
encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
show examples
 the community to value their own
history
.
Also
, it is a way to save
money
 and use it
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 more useful things like education.
Submitted by estefania.reina.montoy on

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task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you provide a clear position throughout the response and fully develop all parts of the task. While you have shown your opinion clearly, further expansion on the main points with more detailed examples would improve this score.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure to use a range of cohesive devices and organize information and ideas clearly. Paragraphing is used adequately, but better transitions and varied connectors could improve readability and the flow of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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