Some people think that intelligence is innate, while others think that we can improve our intelligence through learning. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people contend that
intelligence
is innate,
while
others hold a diametrically opposing view and opine that one can
strenghthen
Correct your spelling
strengthen
our
intelligence
through learning.
This
essay will examine both views and
will
Verb problem
apply
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weigh
up
Change preposition
apply
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
merits. On one hand, some argue that
intelligence
is innate. The obvious example will be someone
is
Correct pronoun usage
who is
show examples
gifted in their own spheres
such
as
maths
, physics, music or sports. We have heard news reporting some extremely young genius won the
world-wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
maths
competition, or some talented children completed university when their peers
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
just started secondary
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. All these facts are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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solid proof
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
intelligence
is innate.
However
, we must always bear in mind that those
genious
Correct your spelling
geniuses
who succeeded at a very young age, they, too, went through a lot of practices and
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
before reaching where they are today.
Therefore
, I support the saying that
intelligence
is innate, but I
also
trust that one can improve his or her
intelligence
through learning.
This
is because 'practice makes perfect'. Take
maths
as an example, if a student is interested in
maths
but he is not good at it, he can still excel
Change preposition
in it
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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if he practices harder and does not give up. I believe determination is always the key to success. Some
sportmen
Correct your spelling
sportsmen
might not show any talent when they started training, but through constant
practices
Fix the agreement mistake
practice
show examples
, they could even perform better than those who were talented. In conclusion, I agree that
intelligence
is innate based on the examples given above.
However
, I
also
believe that we can improve our
intelligence
through learning simply because practice makes perfect and determination is the key to success.
Submitted by michellehoon0924 on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both views, consider providing more detailed explanations and delve deeper into each argument. Expand on why some believe intelligence is innate while others think it can be improved through learning, using clearer topic sentences and more developed supporting sentences.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on smooth transitions between ideas. Break down paragraphs logically, use a variety of linking words, and ensure the conclusion succinctly summarizes the points made in the essay without introducing new information.
task achievement
For a stronger essay, support each point with clear examples and evidence. Add more details to the anecdotal evidence provided, potentially including statistics or well-known studies to reinforce the arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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