Some people think that intelligence is innate, while others think that we can improve our intelligence through learning. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Some people contend that
intelligence
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is innate,
while
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others hold a diametrically opposing view and opine that one can
strenghthen
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strengthen
our
intelligence
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through learning.
This
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essay will examine both views and
will
Verb problem
apply
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weigh
up
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apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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merits. On one hand, some argue that
intelligence
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is innate. The obvious example will be someone
is
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who is
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gifted in their own spheres
such
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as
maths
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, physics, music or sports. We have heard news reporting some extremely young genius won the
world-wide
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worldwide
show examples
maths
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competition, or some talented children completed university when their peers
were
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had
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just started secondary
schools
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school
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. All these facts are
the
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apply
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solid proof
of
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that
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intelligence
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is innate.
However
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, we must always bear in mind that those
genious
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geniuses
who succeeded at a very young age, they, too, went through a lot of practices and
trainings
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training
pieces of training
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before reaching where they are today.
Therefore
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, I support the saying that
intelligence
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is innate, but I
also
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trust that one can improve his or her
intelligence
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through learning.
This
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is because 'practice makes perfect'. Take
maths
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as an example, if a student is interested in
maths
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but he is not good at it, he can still excel
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in it
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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if he practices harder and does not give up. I believe determination is always the key to success. Some
sportmen
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sportsmen
might not show any talent when they started training, but through constant
practices
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practice
show examples
, they could even perform better than those who were talented. In conclusion, I agree that
intelligence
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is innate based on the examples given above.
However
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, I
also
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believe that we can improve our
intelligence
Use synonyms
through learning simply because practice makes perfect and determination is the key to success.
Submitted by michellehoon0924 on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both views, consider providing more detailed explanations and delve deeper into each argument. Expand on why some believe intelligence is innate while others think it can be improved through learning, using clearer topic sentences and more developed supporting sentences.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on smooth transitions between ideas. Break down paragraphs logically, use a variety of linking words, and ensure the conclusion succinctly summarizes the points made in the essay without introducing new information.
task achievement
For a stronger essay, support each point with clear examples and evidence. Add more details to the anecdotal evidence provided, potentially including statistics or well-known studies to reinforce the arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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