The crime rate among teenager has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons with this increase and suggest solutions.

Juvenile
crimes
become huge social problems these days all around the world. There are two possible reasons for increasing the number of these
crimes
: excessive exposure to
media
and the lack of proper
education
.
This
essay will examine both reasons and my solution to ease
this
problem before a conclusion.
Firstly
, teenagers can access more easily to harmful
content
through various sources of
media
, so it is possible for them to give a distorted perception of committing a
crime
.
Therefore
, young
students
can feel that
crimes
are not that serious things and even it is cool.
For example
, numerous studies have shown that teenage
students
exposed to more violent
content
than others are more likely to have
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
in committing
crimes
.
This
curiosity and tendency to take
crimes
lightly can lead to
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
delinquent
crime
rates.
Secondly
,
education
no longer plays a crucial role in
prevent
Change the verb form
preventing
show examples
juvenile
crimes
lately.
Education
about
crime
prevention does not reflect the changes in today's adolescent characteristics,
therefore
, it is not effective
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
the
crime
rates of teenagers.
For instance
,
according to
the survey responded
by
Change preposition
to by
show examples
high school
students
in Korea,
content
Add an article
the content
show examples
of
crime
education
is superficial and
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
not reflect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality. As pupils have more knowledge about harmful things than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
past, the
education
program fails to get their attention.
To sum up
, easy access to detrimental
content
and old-fashioned
education
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
part of the reasons for
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
show examples
crime
rate of delinquent. I suggest that the government should make laws or regulations that control
media
content
providers and
media
platforms and the
ministry
Capitalize word
Ministry
show examples
of
education
Capitalize word
Education
show examples
should update the
crime
education
for
students
to make more
practial
Correct your spelling
practical
effectiveness.
Submitted by ywb516 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Make more effective use of cohesive devices to help sentences and paragraphs flow logically.
task achievement
Develop main points more thoroughly with detailed explanations and more specific examples.
task achievement
Try to expand on the solutions by explaining how the suggestions can effectively address the issues raised.
coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher score, make sure to proofread your essay for any grammatical or spelling errors.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the conclusion so that it provides a concise summary of the points discussed and reinforces the proposed solutions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: