IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The crime rate among teenager has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons with this increase and suggest solutions.

#crime #rate #teenager #countries
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Juvenile
crimes
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 become huge social problems these days all around the world. There are two possible reasons for increasing the number of these
crimes
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: excessive exposure to
media
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 and the lack of proper
education
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.
This
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 essay will examine both reasons and my solution to ease
this
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 problem before a conclusion.
Firstly
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, teenagers can access more easily to harmful
content
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 through various sources of
media
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, so it is possible for them to give a distorted perception of committing a
crime
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.
Therefore
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, young
students
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 can feel that
crimes
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 are not that serious things and even it is cool.
For example
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, numerous studies have shown that teenage
students
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 exposed to more violent
content
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 than others are more likely to have
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
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 in committing
crimes
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.
This
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 curiosity and tendency to take
crimes
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 lightly can lead to
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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delinquent
crime
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 rates.
Secondly
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,
education
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 no longer plays a crucial role in
prevent
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preventing
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 juvenile
crimes
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 lately.
Education
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 about
crime
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 prevention does not reflect the changes in today's adolescent characteristics,
therefore
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, it is not effective
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
 the
crime
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 rates of teenagers.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the survey responded
by
Change preposition
to by
show examples
 high school
students
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 in Korea,
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content
Add an article
the content
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 of
crime
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education
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 is superficial and
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not reflect
the
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apply
show examples
reality. As pupils have more knowledge about harmful things than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past, the
education
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 program fails to get their attention.
To sum up
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, easy access to detrimental
content
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 and old-fashioned
education
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
part of the reasons for
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
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crime
Use synonyms
 rate of delinquent. I suggest that the government should make laws or regulations that control
media
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content
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 providers and
media
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 platforms and the
ministry
Capitalize word
Ministry
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 of
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education
Capitalize word
Education
show examples
 should update the
crime
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education
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 for
students
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 to make more
practial
Correct your spelling
practical
 effectiveness.
Submitted by ywb516 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Make more effective use of cohesive devices to help sentences and paragraphs flow logically.
task achievement
Develop main points more thoroughly with detailed explanations and more specific examples.
task achievement
Try to expand on the solutions by explaining how the suggestions can effectively address the issues raised.
coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher score, make sure to proofread your essay for any grammatical or spelling errors.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the conclusion so that it provides a concise summary of the points discussed and reinforces the proposed solutions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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