IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families But are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

#people #families #care #homes #trend
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older
people
 are not cared
by
Change preposition
for by
show examples
 their
familes
Correct your spelling
families
 rather are put in
care
homes
 or nursing
homes
.
This
 essay discusses that better mental kela and socializing environment are the main advantages of
this
 , but loss of family
care
 and
connection
 and cause of
anxiety
 and
depression
 are the primary disadvantages. The main
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of
care
homes
 for elder
people
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
,in
care
homes
 where they can easily socialize
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with other
people
 around them
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
which leads to better mental health. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
families
 with high working circumstances where they
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 have time to
care
and
Change preposition
for and
show examples
 speak with older
people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their family. In
this
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 nursing
homes
 act as a place where they
fid
Correct your spelling
find
show examples
 more
people
 to speak and share their feelings and emotions which helps them to cope with mental
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 like loneliness.
For instance
, in countries like the United States and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom
Add a comma
Kingdom,
show examples
 most of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
 family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 older are put in
care
homes
 in replacement for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own home because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of time to
care
 for them. In
this
case
,
care
homes
 provide
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another family environment to help them to live a happy and better life. Despite these advantages, elder
people
 lose
care
 and
connection
 from their
families
 which leads to
depression
 and
anxiety
. As we age older, we
people
 need more
care
 and
connection
 from our
families
. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
care
homes
, where they can not find much
care
 and
connection
 which they can find in
families
.
For example
, in the United Kingdom, most of the old
aged
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
 in
care
homes
 are struggling with
depression
 and
anxiety
 because they lack
connection
Correct article usage
the connection
show examples
 where they earlier received from their
families
. In conclusion, elder
people
 can socialize themselves better in
care
homes
 which is good for their mental health. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 the primary
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
show examples
 is they
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
connection
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
families
 which leads to
depression
 and
anxiety
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and fully develop it with supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical flow and transitions between ideas and paragraphs for better coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Rephrase the introduction and conclusion to clearly state your topic and summarise your main points without repetition.
task achievement
Ensure you address both parts of the question equally, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages with two or more points for each.
task achievement
Provide clear and specific examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Check your work for grammatical errors and correct them for better clarity and professionalism.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional care
  • Medical attention
  • Trained staff
  • Social interaction
  • Combat loneliness
  • Safety and security
  • Relief for families
  • Loss of autonomy
  • Emotional impact
  • Cost
  • Financial strain
  • Quality of care
  • Neglect and abuse
  • Detachment from family
  • Mental wellbeing
What to do next:
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