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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the consumption of three basic foods, rice, wheat and maize, by People in four different countries.

The table below shows the consumption of three basic foods, rice, wheat and maize, by People in four different countries.
#consumption #three #foods #rice #wheat #maize #people #four #countries
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The table illustrates staple food intake, namely
rice
Use synonyms
,
wheat
Use synonyms
, and
maize
Use synonyms
, from four varied countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that Egypt ranks first among other states in terms of its calorie consumption,
while
Linking Words
 Poland
claimed
Wrong verb form
claims
show examples
 to be the lowest in caloric utilization. Looking through the details,
wheat
Use synonyms
 has been the main staple food of Egypt, specifically 1095
calories
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/
day
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.
This
Linking Words
 fact makes both the daily
rice
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 and
maize
Use synonyms
 intake of its country stand roughly half of the
wheat
Use synonyms
 (501
calories
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/
day
Use synonyms
 and 578
calories
Use synonyms
/
day
Use synonyms
).
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Polan
rank
Correct subject-verb agreement
ranks
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last
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 food consumption among others.
However
Linking Words
, there is a huge gap between the level of
Use synonyms
calories
Change the noun form
calorie
show examples
 usage.
Wheat
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 consumed by Poland inhabitants up to 865
calories
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/
day
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,
while
Linking Words
rice
Use synonyms
 nearly touched 20
calories
Use synonyms
 per
day
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 and merely zero for
maize
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 usage. Mexico and
Cambodi
Correct your spelling
Cambodia
 both reflect
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opposite
for
Change preposition
of
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 each other.
Consumption
Add an article
The consumption
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 level of
rice
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 in
Cambodi
Correct your spelling
Cambodia
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 reached the number 1445 (
calories
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/
day
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),
makes
Wrong verb form
making
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 it the highest carbs intake,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
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maize
Use synonyms
 has been Mexico’s way to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the
starve
Replace the word
starving
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 with the number 1083 (
calories
Use synonyms
/
day
Use synonyms
).
Submitted by hunnyfieddd on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rice, wheat, maize, calories, day with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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