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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#discipline #schools #people #responsibility #teachers #role #parents
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In our contemporary society,
discipline
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 is an increasingly concerning issue in schools today. Some people contend that
discipline
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 should be the responsibility of
teachers
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, but some hold diametrically opposing
view
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views
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 and opine that
parents
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 should bear the responsibility.
This
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 essay will examine both views and
weight
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weigh
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 up their merits. On one
hand
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, it is argued that the
teachers
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 should be responsible for the
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students'
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student's
show examples
discipline
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 because the whole purpose of
parents
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 sending their
children
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 to the school is to be taught by the
teachers
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.
Teachers
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 are
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apply
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the
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apply
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professionals who are experienced and trained to teach the
students
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 the relevant subject,
as well as
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 to
discipline
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 them.
Moreover
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,
students
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 nowadays spend more time in school, as compared to staying at home with their
parents
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. It is
therefore
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 easier for the
teachers
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 to monitor and guide the
students
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.
On the other
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hand
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, some people claim that
parents
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 should be responsible because
parents
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 are the
one
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ones
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 who raise their
children
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up
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apply
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and know their
children
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 the best. It is easier for them to communicate with the
children
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 using the most effective way because they would
have known
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know
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 the
children
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's character well.
Parents
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 will
also
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 stay with them longer in their lives and are able to ultimately make
an
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a
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 positive impact, as opposed to the
teachers
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 who might just stay with them for a few years. In my opinion, both
parents
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 and
teachers
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 are equally important to
students
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 and they should bear the
responsible
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responsibility
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 of
discipline
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 together. They should work together
hand
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 in
hand
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,
teachers
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 will be responsible for teaching and guiding
students
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 at school
whereas
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parents
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 will play the role as their role models and communicate with their
children
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 regularly at home. The issue of
discipline
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 will not be redressed if we overly rely on either
parents
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 or
teachers
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 to do their job single-sided.
Submitted by michellehoon0924 on

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Support
Ensure a balanced discussion of both views throughout the essay and provide specific examples to support each point of view. Examples help illustrate the points made and give your essay more weight.
Task Achievement
Work on developing a stronger thesis statement in your introduction to present a clear stance from the outset. Your opinion should be clear, and this clarity should persist throughout your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using more cohesive devices and topic sentences to begin each paragraph, guiding the reader through your arguments with clear progression.
Task Achievement
Enhance the conclusion by summarizing both views and clearly stating your final position, reinforcing the points made in the essay and not introducing new information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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