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Band 5

It is often considered that change is more beneficial to people than trying to avoid it and have everything remain the same. Do you think the advantages of change outweigh the disadvantage?

#change #people
Change
 is useful for
people
 who
change
 rather than avoid it and remain in the same place.
This
 essay discusses that
change
 brings more advantages to
people
 who undergo
change
 than
people
 who remain the same.
This
 essay will demonstrate how
change
 leads to the
growth
 of the
people
 and helps to build resilience, followed by the primary disadvantage, how
comfort
zone
 kills
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
growth
.
Change
 is beneficial and leads to
growth
 if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get out of their
comfort
zone
Fix the agreement mistake
zones
show examples
 and face more hurdles and conflicts which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them to grow as a person. At the same time, it helps to build resilience by undergoing
change
.
For example
, in India cigarette smoking percentage had reduced over the period of years 2019 and 2023, it was achieved by a
change
 that happened in
people
's behaviour and in return
people
 had better health. The primary disadvantage for
people
 who cannot come out of their
comfort
zone
 and remain the same is, in the long term it kills their
growth
. I mean, if
people
 do not
change
, they cannot gain any experience in life and they cannot go to the next level in their life which leads to low confidence levels and self-esteem.
For instance
, in 2017 Harvard Medical School report revealed that
people
 who live their lives in their
comfort
 zones have not reached their full potential in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in various disciplines like careers and relationships. In conclusion,
this
 essay clearly states that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages by illustrating how
change
 leads to
growth
 and resilience on the
filp
Correct your spelling
flip
 side how
comfort
Correct article usage
the comfort
show examples
zone
 kills
people
's
growth
overall
 and
block
Correct subject-verb agreement
blocks
show examples
people
 from reaching their full potential.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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development
Develop your main points more comprehensively, ensuring that each paragraph fully explores its argument with clear connections. Avoid superficial treatments of your topics.
task response
To improve task response, try to directly address the question throughout your essay. Make sure your opinion is clear and present in each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Include more varied cohesive devices. While some devices are used, you could further improve the flow of your essay by carefully selecting additional linking words and phrases.
examples
Support your main points with a wider range of examples. To score higher, provide more specific and relevant examples or evidence for each point you make.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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