some people believe that unpaid community services should be a compulsory part of high school programmes(for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports for younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
think that high
school
students should contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as one of the
school
programmes.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will discuss the benefits for both society and the high schoolers as I agree with the topic given. One of the
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
school
students
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
community
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
is that it gives them a way to implement what they have learned so far in their lives.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
high
school
Add a comma
school,
show examples
I used to think
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
how could I use my knowledge in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
actual life. By applying their knowledge they could know why they are learning those information in the first place and could potentially motivate them to learn even more after the programme is over. On top of that, it would
also
subconciously
Correct your spelling
subconsciously
taught
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
them about the importance of giving back to the community, as they are not paid
doing
Change the verb form
to do
show examples
the
services
.
This
value of giving back would
some day
Correct your spelling
someday
show examples
be helpful in the future as they could have more impact towards those near them and generate more impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the nation. As for the benefit for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is quite clear, they could get some
people
to help them with some activities. There are several things that always need more
people
,
for example
working for a charity or helping to clean up the
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
, these activities need a lot of time and effort
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
some
people
might not have the time nor the energy to do it.
This
is where those young adults step in, lend a hand, and help them
creating
Change the form of the verb
create
show examples
a better environment for all the
people
nearby. And it would
also
create a deeper bond between the young
people
and the older
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
as they go hand in hand with each other on
this
programme.
The older
Correct article usage
Older
show examples
people
have more experience in life and could give some advice to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high schoolers to maximize their potential. In summary, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
there is no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
disadvantage for high schoolers to do community
services
free of charge. There are tons of benefits
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
be produced by
this
act for all the parties involved
within
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
.
Submitted by mikeasad on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction, main body and conclusion. Your introduction should more clearly paraphrase the task statement and clearly present your view. Your conclusion should summarise the main points and reiterate your stance without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more logically by grouping them into well-structured paragraphs - one for the benefits to students, another for society and a final one weighing these benefits. Use linking words effectively to connect these ideas, and maintain a clear progression of thought throughout.
task achievement
Provide clear and specific examples to support your arguments. These help to illustrate your points and make your essay more convincing. Avoid general statements that are not backed up with specific details.
task achievement
Expand upon each idea with a more in-depth analysis. This allows you to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic and shows you can discuss ideas in a comprehensive manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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