Some children spend hour every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In
this
modern world, smartphones play a significant role in our
life
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lives
show examples
. Numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children use their mobile phones way
to
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too
show examples
much. In
this
essay,
i
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I
show examples
will explain several factors that contribute to
this
phenomenon and examine the reasons behind
this
negative development. There are two underlying causes why kids spend a lot of time with
gadget
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gadgets
show examples
.
Firstly
, they feel helped by
this
thrive
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thriving
show examples
technology. As we know, we are entering the
advaced
Correct your spelling
advanced
era where
everthing
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everything
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
digitalized and children that born in
this
generation are exposed
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
, resulting
mobile
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in mobile
show examples
phone
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phones
show examples
become
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becoming
show examples
something they cannot let go of.
However
,
addicted
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addiction
show examples
may
also
one
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be one
show examples
of the reasons. Lately, there are many apps designed to make the users
to
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apply
show examples
stay for a long time which includes
personalize
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personalised
show examples
features, gamification, or customization themes. These may lead to dependency for keep playing
those cellphone
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that cellphone
those cellphones
show examples
.
Accordingly
,
spend
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spending
show examples
hours on smartphones may give two main drawbacks.
Firstly
, it
create
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creates
show examples
kids with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of socialization ability.
This
effect could
happens
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happen
show examples
because they are not used to having a conversation with others on many occasions.
Consequently
, they
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are incline
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incline
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inclined
show examples
to not have friends.
Moreover
, children are
a
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an
show examples
innocent human being and really easy to get
bad
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badly
show examples
influenced.
For instance
, kids could easily
got
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get
be got
show examples
access to pornography content or illegal
website
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websites
show examples
which possibly
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
them to have bad behavior. In conclusion,
chindren
Correct your spelling
children
nowadays
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
use smartphones with irresponsible time management because of how helpful technology
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
also
the possibility that they are addicted.
This
may
led
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lead
show examples
to
demerit
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demerits
show examples
such
as socialization
issue
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issues
show examples
and shabby etiquette.
Submitted by zefanyagyu on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your ideas are organized in a logical manner, with clear connections between your thoughts. Use linking words to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly presents your main points and a conclusion that summarizes your key arguments and gives a clear final perspective on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is well-supported by more detailed explanations or examples. Be thorough in explaining and justifying your points to provide depth to your essay.
task achievement
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task prompt, and your response should be a complete answer to the question. Aim for a balance in your essay by discussing both why children spend a lot of time on smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative development.
task achievement
Focus on the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. They should be easy to understand and presented in a way that thoroughly examines the topic from multiple perspectives.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your ideas. These can provide real-life context and make your response more persuasive and impactful.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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