IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays the differences between countries are becoming less evident because we see the same TV shows, advertisements, fashion and follow the same brands. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

#differences #countries #tv #advertisements #fashion #brands #trend
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During the meaningful educational experience, I understand that the impact of the virus is enormous to the world. The economic impact during a
pandemic
 is an issue that not just the country but every individual. The key to the right lock is important as time and finances are crucial to the government. The fiscal and monetary policies must be in place in order to help the local
economy
.
Firstly
, export will be affected as workers and companies cannot export their products, it will definitely lower the aggregate demand and
therefore
 decline the national income.
For example
, South African shoe manufacturers will not be able to export their products even if they lower their price level as ports are not open for shipping.
Furthermore
,
countries
 that depend on tourism will be badly affected,
for instance
, Maldives. Airlines were not open and
countries
 will have regulations to stop travelling from
countries
 with a
pandemic
. Domestic and international Investment will not grow as the
pandemic
 will affect the
countries
 with a
pandemic
. Economic growth is accompanied by changes in the structure of the
economy
. When there is a disease outbreak, new firms will not have opportunities to establish themselves, as
banks
 will not be able to loan them
money
.
Moreover
,
banks
 may face a crisis,
for example
, the US
banks
 had given large numbers of mortgages to low-income households on deals that fixed low repayments for a few years. During the
pandemic
, many would not be able to afford the repayments and
banks
 may be bundling mortgages together and
sell
Wrong verb form
selling
show examples
 packages of mortgages to other
banks
 or investors. Market failure in the labour market will
also
 deepen the crisis.
For example
,
NHS
Correct article usage
the NHS
show examples
 has a deepening shortage of nurses.
This
 means that hospitals face
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
show examples
 of manpower, when the
pandemic
 strikes, medical teams may not be able to handle all the patients
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 rate and
wosen
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
economy
.
Therefore
,
Correct article usage
the govenment
show examples
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
 should seriously build more nursing schools and
financial
Change the word
financially
show examples
 support prospective nurse students to mitigate
pandemic
 effects.
Moreover
, the government needs to spend more
money
 to combat the virus
such
 as temporary medical stations, medications and research to solve the epidemic.
This
 even worsens the government’s budget and may even create a deficit.
Therefore
, the government may need to increase the
money
 supply in order to cope with the economic challenges.
Such
 as the United States of America, quantitative easing may increase the
money
 supply and help the
economy
 in the short run. I
also
 learned that country like Singapore, fiscal policy to subsidy citizens with monetary terms is helping them to withstand the
pandemic
 in the short term. As
such
, unwinding the monetary stimulus will not be possible as the
pandemic
 may be a long-term issue. I acknowledge that it is very important to rely on my own knowledge and express my thoughts from the fundamentals I learned during the lectures. Without much attention in class, I may not be able to fulfil the discussion. As I was a timid and shy girl, open discussion was not my cup of tea.
However
, through the journey, I now understand that expressing my thoughts is becoming a rewarding experience. I may use
such
 skills in the future when in my career days.
Submitted by hanz.hyz326 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that the essay has a clear introduction that presents the topic and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. Connect your ideas logically and use linking words to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
In order to enhance task response, make sure to directly address the prompt given. Your essay should discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of countries becoming less culturally distinct, as suggested by the shared consumption of media and brands. Tailor your examples and main points to reflect this specific discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural homogenization
  • interconnected world
  • dilute unique cultural identities
  • global media
  • dominance of multinational corporations
  • cultural imperialism
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • global products
  • traditional cultural values
  • innovation and creativity
  • exposure to global ideas
  • local creativity
  • traditional practices
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