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Band 4.5

Everyone should stay at school until 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#school
Nowadays.all
student
 are living in bordaing school until 18 years .i absolutely dis agree and iwill tell you my opinion in
this
 essay. The majority of
student
 must give them a freedom in
this
life
 because it is illegal for
student
 only discuss or focus only with subject so there will bad for them
for example
 :
student
 who live in bordaing school cannon see the relative or the socieaty in
this
life
 there will effect there
student
 arenot encouraging the people so it is important in
this
life
 balance about the study and the society . The second point is
student
 are studying hard so there will effect
student
 will be mental patient because
student
 need to change the mood
for example
 :
student
 who finished the final exam so
student
 need to visit place
for instance
: students are visiting the place to having a different mood muybe with thier parents or thier family more over
student
 will be jailed because every times only focusing with the subject so
student
 will be sick or illness. To councled.the majority of disagree are
student
 should give them human freedom because it is improtant for any preson with control from thier parents so
student
 must good example in the school and in the
life
that is
 my perspective.
Submitted by nawafalruwaili363 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your essay more effectively by using a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting sentences.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly. This can be achieved by explaining your points more clearly, providing examples to support your ideas, and expanding on your arguments in a structured manner.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to your grammar and spelling. Frequent errors can significantly impact the clarity of your message. Consider practicing basic grammar rules and proofreading your essay before submission.
task achievement
Ensure your essay directly addresses the task prompt. It's important to make clear arguments either in agreement or disagreement with the statement provided, and these should be consistently maintained throughout your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Peer pressure
  • Desensitize
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Neglect
  • Abuse
  • Supervision
  • Anti-bullying measures
  • Societal norms
  • Stereotypes
  • Dominance
  • Cyberbullying
  • Anonymity
  • Digital devices
  • Enforcement
  • Cultural tolerance
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