Many schoolchildren and students are taught to push themselves and try hard to be better than their classmates , rather than work together for everyone 's benefits. Do you think disadvantages of being trained to be competitive outweigh advantages?

Along with
the booming economy, the development of education is on the agenda, pushing
students
involved in what we
called
Wrong verb form
call
show examples
‘the rat race’. I personally believe that we should reject the emergence of the phenomenon that training
students
to be competitive though it may have advantages to some extent.
To begin
with,
students
who
being
Add a missing verb
are being
show examples
trained to be competitive are
individual
Change the word
individually
show examples
profit-oriented, ignoring the important significance of cooperation
consequently
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
to the lack of cooperative techniques. When coping with a complex item, cooperation spirit should come first. Instilling that ‘only try hard to be better than others can name it a success and win respect from others’ may cause
students
’ reduction of communication between classmates and reluctance
of sharing
Change preposition
to share
show examples
. Another contributing drawback is that cultivating
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
mentality may cause excessive competition
results
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
in negative moods which influences
Add an article
the relationship
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
between
students
. Under
this
competitive atmosphere,
students
easily
percieve
Correct your spelling
perceive
their classmates as competitors. Imagine where a place full of competitors,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is more likely to emerge controversy, which probably gives
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rise to negative
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
. In some
circmustances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
, negative
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
or bad
mood
Fix the agreement mistake
moods
show examples
could be a trigger to ruin a relationship.
On the other hand
, being trained to be competitive does
promt
Correct your spelling
promote
students
’ individual competence through
incenting
Replace the word
incentivising
show examples
self-study. Seldom
students
Add a missing verb
do students
show examples
take after-class time seriously which is quite vital for them to improve themselves.
However
, by
traning
Correct your spelling
training
students
to be competitive,
students
put
Verb problem
pay
show examples
more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
it and try to make full use of it. In
this
way, not only does their ability
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
self-discipine
Correct your spelling
self-discipline
be improved, but
also
strenghtens
Correct your spelling
strengthens
their self-learning ability.
To conclude
, it is
appearently
Correct your spelling
apparent
that the disadvantages of being trained to be competitive override the advantages, though it has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little function on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual improvement.
Submitted by 1913435 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your stance on the issue and avoids general statements that do not directly address the question.
Task Achievement
Make sure to include specific examples to support your main points. This helps to demonstrate the real-world implications of your arguments and strengthens your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay with clear, logical transitions between ideas. This will help create a more cohesive argument and improve the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid the repetition of ideas or words and use a range of vocabulary to express your points more effectively. Synonyms and varied sentence structures keep the reader engaged and demonstrate a good command of language.
Task Achievement
End your essay with a strong conclusion that summarizes your arguments and reiterates your position. This ties together your essay and leaves the reader with a clear understanding of your stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!