IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Explain the reasons for this and discuss any possible effects it may have on society.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, it is widely found that the family relationship plays a less important in human growth.
This
Linking Words
 situation is caused by several reasons. Personally, it has more demerits than merits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, at the present
time
Use synonyms
, society is improving
day-by-day
Correct your spelling
day by day
show examples
. Our lives are boosted, and there are many new technologies.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of technology
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 in
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 can create an adverse bearing on the development of the nation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it might take a toll on a family’s tradition.
The people
Correct article usage
People
show examples
 might have to spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not pay attention to the things around them.
For example
Linking Words
, my father often works late into the night to earn money for my family because he is a breadwinner. Money attracts our family
members
Use synonyms
 to chase it, and that declines our family interactions.
As a result
Linking Words
, he does not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to spend
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 family, hindering the family relationships.
Moreover
Linking Words
, modern technology
also
Linking Words
 means that people are more
focus
Replace the word
focused
show examples
 on their online
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 than interacting with their family in their free
time
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays, children spend almost
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing video games or
call with
Wrong verb form
calling
show examples
 friends on the internet,
instead
Linking Words
 of connecting with their family. Not only that, it makes mealtime more than just a
time
Use synonyms
 to eat and
less meal
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer meals
show examples
 with full
members
Use synonyms
. The family
members
Use synonyms
 do not have as much
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with each other as they did in the past. Because, they have grown up
day-by-day
Correct your spelling
day by day
show examples
, so that they do not as close as before.
For example
Linking Words
, during the meal, everyone in the house does not communicate, they do their own thing
such
Linking Words
 as play games,
read
Correct word choice
and read
show examples
 online newspapers.
In addition
Linking Words
, meals without enough
members
Use synonyms
 are conventional, for different reasons
such
Linking Words
 as having to travel far for
work
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the reasons
cause
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
why
show examples
 human become less interactive with their families, can be physical distance,
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
show examples
 more on
work
Use synonyms
 and the modern evolution of a social. We should actively balance
work
Use synonyms
, life and family, so as not to be indifferent in today’s development period.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Transition between ideas smoothly to help the reader follow your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Introduce your essay with a clear paraphrase of the question and a brief outline of your view. Conclude by summarizing your main points and reiterating your opinion.
supported main points
Develop your main points by providing clear reasons and specific examples. Avoid overgeneralizations.
complete response
Expand your response to fully address all parts of the task. Clearly present your views and discuss both causes and effects.
clear comprehensive ideas
Focus on clarity and detail to ensure that your ideas are comprehensively explained. Use a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to add depth to your essay.
relevant specific examples
Include a variety of relevant, specific examples to support your points. These can be drawn from personal experience, historical events, or hypothetical scenarios.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: