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Band 4.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or not agree?

#someone #luck
Luck,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
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 thing, that can'
t
 be bought, even with all
money
Correct article usage
the money
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 in the world. You can'
t
 sell or achieve it, but sometimes you can have it. I frequently hear people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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saying, that one or
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
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 person is lucky, just because they have
or
Correct word choice
apply
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reached something that
speaker
Correct article usage
the speaker
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 doesn'
t
, or
in other words
, the grass is always greener on the other side. If to
be
Verb problem
am
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 honest it frustrates me so much, because people don'
t
 understand what effort it takes to achieve
aim
Add an article
the aim
an aim
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. The goals have consistently motivated me to study and to mostly do something. You can'
t
 repeatedly rely on luck,
instead
Add a comma
instead,
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 you should focus on knowledge and ambitions.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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 doctors in Ukraine don'
t
 earn much, even with two diplomas and many years of experience.
Due to
incredibly
Correct article usage
the incredibly
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 poor salary system, awful hospital equipment and terrible attitude from the government.
On the contrary
 doctors from Europe
provided
Add a missing verb
are provided
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 with advanced technology,
healthcare
Correct word choice
and healthcare
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 insurance and get at least 3000 euros a month. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the ukrainians
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ukrainians
Change the capitalization
Ukrainians
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 with degrees of
doctor
Add an article
a doctor
the doctor
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,
forced
Add a missing verb
are forced
show examples
 to look for a better life abroad working outside the profession
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since diplomas are not recognised in Europe and the United States.
However
, it's clear, that if you want to make it to the top, you must put a lot of effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 your work.
For instance
, my very own grandmother had studied for more than 10 years to become a
highqualified
Correct your spelling
highly qualified
 doctor. And I would say, that it was totally worth it. In conclusion, even though practice makes perfect, we don'
t
 need to forget about
significance
Add an article
the significance
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 of good luck in success.
Submitted by sofiaavramenko0906 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that your essay follows a clear, logical structure. It should include an introduction, at least two body paragraphs with distinct main points, and a conclusion. Transitions between ideas can also help improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
It is important to provide a balanced argument when discussing the extent to which you agree or disagree with a statement. Including both sides of the argument before giving your own viewpoint can strengthen your position.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your main points. This helps to illustrate your arguments and makes your essay more convincing. Ensure that the examples are directly relevant to the topic at hand.
coherence cohesion
In the conclusion, summarize your main points and restate your position clearly. The conclusion should reflect on the content presented in your essay without introducing new ideas or information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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