IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both these views!

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #health #diet #governments #citizens
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph and the table show the
water
use
 in two different countries,
Brazil
 in South America and
Congo
 in Africa. Based on the information, there
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
huge difference in their populations and irrigated land.
Graph
Add an article
The graph
show examples
 shows that the most
water
use
 worldwide is in
agriculture
Add an article
the agriculture
show examples
 sector,
then
 industrial
use
 and less
water
use
 is in domestic
use
. In
Brazil
, each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
use
water
 about 350 m3 more than a person
use
 in
Congo
. But discussable information in
this
 picture is about the
water
 consumption p
er
Add the punctuation
er,
show examples
 person in these countries. I would
like
Add the particle
like to
show examples
 talk about the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 huge difference.
Brazil
 is a developing country that has been investing in
lots of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
various industries and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agricultural infrastructures
while
Congo
 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
poor and undeveloped. So, it makes sense
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why
water
 consumption per person in
Brazil
 has
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 difference
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
Congo
. In conclusion, I do think
for reducing
Wrong verb form
that to reduce
show examples
water
use
 worldwide, we must study, find and implement better new methods in
agriculture
Add an article
the agriculture
show examples
 sector.
As well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we need some strict
lows
Correct your spelling
laws
show examples
 related to
water
use
 in industries to manage the
Correct your spelling
challenges
challen
Correct your spelling
challenge
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to fully address the essay prompt. This essay does not discuss the views mentioned in the prompt regarding individual responsibility and government role in health and diet. Focus more on analyzing these opinions and providing relevant examples or arguments.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay clearly with a proper introduction that presents the topic, followed by body paragraphs each dealing with one aspect of the discussion, and a clear conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the main points in your essay are well-supported with specific examples or evidence. Relate your examples directly to the prompt's question to enhance the relevance.
coherence cohesion
Conclude your essay with a decisive statement or a summary of your discussion which shows you have considered all the aspects of the question posed. The essay, as written, ends abruptly and without a clear conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health-conscious decisions
  • self-discipline
  • informed choices
  • personal accountability
  • regulating food industries
  • implementing policies
  • healthy eating
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies for healthy food
  • enabling environment
  • accessible
  • affordable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: