IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays, people live in the society where consumer goods are cheaper to buy. Do you think its advanta

#people #society #consumer #goods #advanta
Globalization has ushered in an era of consumerism and people are flooded with cheap
consumer
 products.
While
 I believe that the lowering costs of
consumer
goods
 has its
advantages
, its drawbacks are certainly more. The main advantage of cheap
consumer
goods
 is they can be afforded by the majority and
this
 in turn means more production and employment.
This
 is definitely beneficial for the
overall
 economy of the country.
In addition
, it
is bettering
Verb problem
improves
show examples
 the quality of life of the poor and
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreases
show examples
 the difference in the lifestyles
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the rich and poor.
For example
, today, even the poorest of the poor own
consumer
goods
 like televisions, mobile phones and computers. Despite the
advantages
, I still consider the lowering of
consumer
goods
 prices to be harmful
overall
.
Firstly
, cheap
consumer
goods
means
Change the verb form
mean
show examples
 there is a compromise with the quality and
thus
 the life-cycle of today’s
consumer
 products is a lot shorter than before. Ultimately, the consumers suffer and they spend more because they end up buying the same product more often.
Also
, by making repair comparatively uneconomical, in a way, these cheap products are
also
 leading to
closure
Add an article
the closure
show examples
 of small repair shops.
In addition
, to offer cheap
consumer
goods
 without sacrificing profit margins, companies are resorting to automation and
this
 results in
further
 job losses.
Last
 but not least, cheap
consumer
goods
 are leading to environmental degradation as they consume more natural resources and more energy.
This
further
 leads to increasing waste as evident from the overflowing landfill sites in urban areas and pollution.
To conclude
, cheap
consumer
goods
 do have their
advantages
 but these
advantages
 come at a heavy price to the
consumer
 and the environment.
Submitted by aamenis on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that the essay remains focused on the prompt throughout and fully addresses its scope.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating a balance between complexity and clarity within your sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen the main points and make the argument more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Consider refining the introduction and conclusion to better highlight your thesis and summarize key points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!