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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, people live in the society where consumer goods are cheaper to buy. Do you think its advanta

#people #society #consumer #goods #advanta
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Globalization has ushered in an era of consumerism and people are flooded with cheap
consumer
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 products.
While
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 I believe that the lowering costs of
consumer
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goods
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 has its
advantages
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, its drawbacks are certainly more. The main advantage of cheap
consumer
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goods
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 is they can be afforded by the majority and
this
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 in turn means more production and employment.
This
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 is definitely beneficial for the
overall
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 economy of the country.
In addition
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, it
is bettering
Verb problem
improves
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 the quality of life of the poor and
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreases
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 the difference in the lifestyles
of
Change preposition
between
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 the rich and poor.
For example
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, today, even the poorest of the poor own
consumer
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goods
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 like televisions, mobile phones and computers. Despite the
advantages
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, I still consider the lowering of
consumer
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goods
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 prices to be harmful
overall
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.
Firstly
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, cheap
consumer
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goods
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means
Change the verb form
mean
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 there is a compromise with the quality and
thus
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 the life-cycle of today’s
consumer
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 products is a lot shorter than before. Ultimately, the consumers suffer and they spend more because they end up buying the same product more often.
Also
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, by making repair comparatively uneconomical, in a way, these cheap products are
also
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 leading to
closure
Add an article
the closure
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 of small repair shops.
In addition
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, to offer cheap
consumer
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goods
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 without sacrificing profit margins, companies are resorting to automation and
this
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 results in
further
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 job losses.
Last
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 but not least, cheap
consumer
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goods
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 are leading to environmental degradation as they consume more natural resources and more energy.
This
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further
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 leads to increasing waste as evident from the overflowing landfill sites in urban areas and pollution.
To conclude
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, cheap
consumer
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goods
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 do have their
advantages
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 but these
advantages
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 come at a heavy price to the
consumer
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 and the environment.
Submitted by aamenis on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay remains focused on the prompt throughout and fully addresses its scope.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating a balance between complexity and clarity within your sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen the main points and make the argument more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Consider refining the introduction and conclusion to better highlight your thesis and summarize key points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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