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Band 4.5

Do you think that technological advancement has brought more harm than good? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

#advancement #harm #support
From my point of view, I believe that technology has done so much good for
people
 in every field.
On the contrary
, it has made it worse. There are numerous negative effects of technology related to mobile devices, automobiles, computers, and other gadgets. Mobile
phones
 are the greatest technological advancement that we see and use in our day-to-day lives. There are numerous benefits of mobile
phones
, like calling, e-mail, cameras, social
media
 apps, education, and many more. Despite so many benefits, mobiles have many negative effects as well. Many students tend to study using mobile applications, and they easily get distracted by social
media
 platforms like Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and many more.
As a result
, they end up wasting their whole time on social
media
. Another negative effect of mobile
phones
 is connecting
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 virtually;
on the contrary
, they create distance between real-world
people
.
People
 visit social
media
 platforms and make new friends there. They chat with them and talk to them online, but
on the other hand
, they forget that there is real life outside of
this
 four-bar screen.
For instance
, 10 years ago, before the era of mobile
phones
, my friend circle used to meet regularly. But now that we are just connected on mobile
phones
, we rarely meet
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 6 months or sometimes after a year.
To conclude
 my point, advanced technology has made
more bad
Replace the words
worse
show examples
 in society
by
Correct word choice
worse by
show examples
 segregating
people
Change preposition
from
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the physical world and allowing them to remain
touced
Correct your spelling
touched
 with each other online in the name of friendship.
Submitted by khatrisumeet400 on

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task achievement
Be sure to present a clear position throughout the response.
task achievement
Work on a more nuanced thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt.
task achievement
Develop your main points further by providing more in-depth evidence and examples.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to appropriately structure the essay and indicate the relationships between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are fully developed and clearly restate your main points and overall position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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