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Band 3.5

Nowadays, many people with families leave their country to work abroad. Do you think the benefits of this trend outweigh the disadvantages for the families?

#people #families #country #work #trend
Recently a multitude of
people
move
Wrong verb form
have moved
show examples
 abroad with their families in order to work. In
this
 essay, I will be discussing both the negatives alongside the positives, in order to establish an outcome. On the one hand, migrating to another city may give substantial opportunities,
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
people
 may have not been able to
obtained
Change the form of the verb
obtain
show examples
otherwise
.
Furthermore
,
this
 is presented within
Dubai
's population, which consists of 80%
expats
Change preposition
of expats
show examples
. Many professionals with high degrees tend to move to
Dubai
,
for example
,
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2013, an influx of the best, university Professors moved to
Dubai
due to
 the tax-free benefits, ultimately pinpointing that moving is very
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 to
people
's careers.
On the other hand
, within the same
city
Add a comma
city,
show examples
 a lot of
people
 are being extorted
according to
 their nationality.
Dubai
 is composed of 40% Indian nationals which often have migrated for a better life, within the construction industry.
However
this
 is not the case, they are treated extremely poorly,
for instance
, on arrival their passports are confiscated.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 they are forced to work long hours, without breaks, ultimately being exploited.
Overall
, travelling abroad may provide many opportunities, with various bonuses
such
 as
a tax-free wages
Correct the article-noun agreement
tax-free wages
a tax-free wage
show examples
 and respect within fields.
However
,
this
is dependents
Verb problem
depends
show examples
 on background and nationality, substantial research should be done prior to moving outside the
Individuals
Change noun form
individual's
show examples
 home country.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
show examples
 I believe that abroad can provide amazing contingencies, but research is crucial.
Submitted by Sandraali_k on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction that paraphrases the question and sets out your position on the issue. The conclusion should also restate your position and summarize the main points of the essay.
task achievement
Work on presenting the arguments and examples in a more organized manner. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and be developed coherently.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (linking words) to better connect ideas and paragraphs for improved flow.
coherence cohesion
Double-check your essay for any grammatical errors or awkward phrasings that could detract from the overall coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • expatriate
  • remittances
  • cultural assimilation
  • expatriate community
  • economic disparity
  • cultural shock
  • social integration
  • professional networking
  • emotional resilience
  • transnational families
What to do next:
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