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Band 4.5

Many people believe that it's better to learn something in a gorup, rather than learning it individually. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #gorup
Most
of
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apply
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individuals think that
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 in a team is better than learn in lonelyness. I completely agree with
this
 idea and I will
explane
Correct your spelling
explain
 with some examples in
this
 essay. First of all , it is crystal clear that
human
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humans
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 has been created as a sociable creature in the world ; in fact , no one could not live alone and it is necessary for us to be in a group of people ;
for example
 , consider a man who is living alone in a foreign country and he does not communicate with anybody ,
although
, he wants to learn the language of that region ;
however
 , he
try
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tries
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 a lot to learn the new language as a
self study
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self-study
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, he could not be
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 in it ;
as a result
 , learning
language
Add an article
a language
the language
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 in a group is easier than learning in private.
Secondly
, needless to
say
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say,
show examples
 that learning in a
gruop
Correct your spelling
group
 is more
activate
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active
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 and competitive than individually ; to illustrate , during the
pandamic
Correct your spelling
pandemic
 some of
children
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the children
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 studied at home in their own privacy and they got used to
this
 way of studying ; as a matter of fact , they forgot the competitions when they go back to school as before ;
accordingly
 , should the students practice their lessons in groups , they would be more active and competitive after the quarantine.
To conclude
 , in
reaffirm
Wrong verb form
reaffirming
show examples
 the above ideas that mentioned the sociable charectaricity and competitivity of
humanbeing
Correct your spelling
human beings
, I agree with
this
 view about learning in
gruop
Correct your spelling
group
groups
 is much
more
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apply
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better than learning
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individually at all.
Submitted by sajad.bazdar.2012 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion. The introduction in this essay is a bit vague and could be better structured to directly address the question.
Paragraphing & Main Ideas
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly related to this main idea.
Use of Examples
When providing examples, they should be specific and directly relevant to the point you're making. The examples in this essay are a bit general and lack specific details that would make them more convincing.
Register & Style
Avoid using informal or non-academic expressions such as 'learn somthing in a team' or 'learn in lonelyness'. Instead, use formal academic expressions like 'learn something in a group setting' or 'learn individually'.
Spelling & Grammar
Be aware of spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors such as 'gruop' instead of 'group', 'activiate' instead of 'active', and 'competitivity'. It is essential to proofread your essay to avoid these mistakes.
Conclusion
Make sure the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and reiterates your opinion. The conclusion in this essay could be more coherent with the rest of the content.
Sentence Structure
Work on varying your sentence structures to effectively demonstrate your English abilities. This includes using a range of complex structures, which are somewhat lacking in this essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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