Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
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Computers
have changed the way we live and now many things
depend on the
Correct article usage
apply
computers
. Communications medicine and transport all rely on computers
. For some people
Add a comma
people,
this
is dangerous
situation. I think that it might be dangerous but that there are some Add an article
a dangerous
things
we can do to stop the danger.Many parts of our lives are now done by computers
. Therefore
many people
do not know useful skills that we had in the past because computers
do everything for us. So without computers
we can’t communicating
with other Change the verb form
communicate
be communicating
people
and many hospital equipments need computers
.Our transport system also
uses computers
. This
is a problem because if the computer
have
a problem Change the verb form
has
then
many things
would
not Wrong verb form
will
worked
very well or maybe not at all. Change the verb form
work
be worked
As
Change preposition
For
example
, for controlling Add an article
an example
airplanes
arriving and leaving at airports Change the spelling
aeroplanes
computers
are very essential and problems with the
Correct article usage
apply
computers
can make
terrible accidents.But there are some Verb problem
cause
things
we can do for stopping
the danger. One thing is Change preposition
to stop
computer
security. There are computer
viruses and hackers that can stop the computers
working
. Change preposition
from working
Therefore
government need to spend money on computer
systems and networks so they are safety
and Replace the word
safe
computer
problems don’t happen. Another is all computers
work with electricity. If there was a problem with electricity then
it might be dangerous
situation if the Add an article
a dangerous
computers
didn’t work. Therefore
we need to make sure that the electricity is reliable and we can use back up
generators for important Correct your spelling
backup
computers
so they are safety
.Replace the word
safe
For
Change preposition
In
conclusion
there are some Add a comma
conclusion,
danger
with Fix the agreement mistake
dangers
computers
. Many people
are hackers and want to stop computers
or get information and computers
can stop working.Submitted by astafieva.k on
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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, ensure that your ideas are organized in a clear and logical manner. Paragraphs should be used to separate different ideas and each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence. Aim to link your ideas in a way that makes the progression from one to the next seamless.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include both an introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. The introduction should clearly state your position on the prompt, and the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your overall opinion. Ensure each of these sections is effectively developed for a stronger impact on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Support your arguments with specific examples and explanations. Your examples should be directly linked to the points you are making and should help to illustrate your arguments. Try to elaborate more on why reliance on computers may be dangerous, including potential real-world consequences.
task achievement
To achieve a complete response to the task, you need to fully address all parts of the question. Make sure to clearly outline the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement, with a balanced view if you have a nuanced stance. Each paragraph should contribute to this response.
task achievement
Your ideas and responses should be clear and comprehensive. This means that the reader should not have to guess at what you are trying to say. Use clear and concise language, and make sure that each sentence contributes to building a coherent argument related to the task.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. The supporting examples provided should be concrete and pertinent to the topic. They should ideally reflect real-life scenarios, credible statistics, or hypothetical situations to illustrate the points effectively.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite