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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts give information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US Summerise the information about honey-bee colonies and honey production by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The charts give information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US Summerise the information about honey-bee colonies and honey production by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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Two charts string kingly illustrate details
Use synonyms
honey
Change preposition
of honey
show examples
 -
bee
Use synonyms
colonies
Use synonyms
 and
honey
Use synonyms
 items in 1970-2010 in the US.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the first chart, between 1970 and 1980 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
honey -
Correct your spelling
honey-bee
show examples
bee
Use synonyms
colonies
Use synonyms
 rose from over 4
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 to over 4.5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. After that, it was dropping steadily from 1980 to 2010. The highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
honey -
Correct your spelling
honey-bee
show examples
bee
Use synonyms
colonies
Use synonyms
 in 1980,
as
Correct your spelling
was
show examples
 over 4.5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, in 2010, the amount of it
only
Add a missing verb
was only
show examples
 over 2
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 as well
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was the lowest figure.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the second chart,
quantity
Add an article
the quantity
a quantity
show examples
 of
honey
Use synonyms
productions
Replace the word
produced
show examples
 from 1970 to 2010
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluctuation. In 1970, the
number
Use synonyms
 of products reached 130,000 tomes
as well as
Linking Words
 the highest figure but in 2010, there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 only 70,000 tomes
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 the lowest
number
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
numbers
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
honey -
Correct your spelling
honey-bee
show examples
bee
Use synonyms
colonies
Use synonyms
 and
honey
Use synonyms
 items
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
both decreased over 5
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 period.
However
Linking Words
, from 1970 to 1980, the
Use synonyms
honey -
Correct your spelling
honey-bee
show examples
bee
Use synonyms
colonies
Use synonyms
 had a little went up.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words honey, colonies, number, bee, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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