Some people think that children should be homeschooled when they are very young, while others think it is better for them to attend a school. Which do you think is better?

academy plays a very important role in daily life. offspring learn a lot of stuff
such
as behaviour, how to become a responsible man etc. In
this
essay I will discuss the homeschooled is better or whether attending school is better at a young age.
Firstly
, some residents think that offspring should be
learned in
Verb problem
taught
show examples
homeschooled when they are young. There are so many possibilities that they should be self-educated. In that case, they get a lot of stuff by themselves. They learn all basic
things
such
as reading, listening, and writing. But there are fewer possibilities that they should learn the
things
which are necessary to live in society. I think
this
is not a positive sign.
Secondly
, some public think that it is better for them to attend a faculty. I think
this
a good development for the students. In school, they should so many
things
such
as basic reading, writing, and listening and
also
learn their responsibilities and how to become responsible residents of that country or city. There are so many stuff that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students learn only in
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
because in self-education they cannot learn these
things
. In conclusion, in self-educating,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children should not learn about their responsibilities. They learn only basic education. Meanwhile, attending a department, develop positive side effects on their life.In my opinion, attending
Correct article usage
a
show examples
hall is the best opportunity for children to build their personality.
Submitted by shaheryarahmedat on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay needs a structured logical flow. Each paragraph should contain one main idea followed by supporting details. Use cohesive devices to better link your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction should clearly present your viewpoint or outline the structure of the essay. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position clearly.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. Avoid overly general statements and ensure your arguments are developed.
Language Use
Work on utilizing a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to articulate your ideas more clearly and effectively. Avoid repetition and ensure your sentences are well-constructed.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized education
  • flexible learning pace
  • peer pressure
  • social development
  • diverse range of ideas
  • comprehensive education
  • specialized educators
  • extracurricular activities
  • traditional schools
  • structured environment
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