IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that modern tecchnology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #tecchnology
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
viewed
Replace the word
view
show examples
 that modern
technology
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 making individuals more sociable,
while
 others perceive the
oppose
Replace the word
opposite
show examples
, thinking it is making
people
 less sociable. It can't be denied that in the past 10 years, the advancement of
technology
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
inavitable
Correct your spelling
inevitable
. Almost everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 their own gadgets to communicate and work.
Further
, I will provide
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 discussion of both
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 in
this
 essay, but in my opinion, I believe that modern
technology
 is making
people
 less sociable. The argument
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 modern
technology
pushed
Wrong verb form
pushes
show examples
people
 to be social stems from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
networking.
Technology
 allows
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to explore and
expands
Correct subject-verb agreement
expand
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 contacts.
For instance
, an individual might be friends with 20
people
 just from a posting in the X application.
However
,
this
 example may be
contradicts
Wrong verb form
contradicted
show examples
 because by increasing a person's networking by social media, the person possibly won't seek new connections outside the internet.
Thus
,
although
 modern gadgets will add
people's
Change preposition
to people's
show examples
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may
hinders
Change the verb form
hinder
show examples
 their social in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life.
On the other hand
, it is proven by the status quo that modern
technology
 is making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
civilians less sociable.
For example
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the high usage of social media and online games,
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
illustrates a lot of how
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
chose
Wrong verb form
chooses
show examples
 to interact with others
Change preposition
via
show examples
by
Change preposition
via
show examples
 the internet rather than do it physically, making the interaction between
people
decreases
Correct subject-verb agreement
decrease
show examples
.
Hence
, it is believed that the rapid development of gadgets will just
making
Change the verb form
make
be making
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more and more
distance
Replace the word
distant
show examples
,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online interaction is getting popular. In conclusion, my stance
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 the argument
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 modern
technology
 is making
people
 less sociable. The internet
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 civilians to connect with others, yes, but the real face-to-face interaction is getting fewer, resulting in a sociable
deprived
Replace the word
deprivation
show examples
.
Submitted by asmaningrum2125 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task, presenting a clear position throughout the response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the progression of ideas and use cohesive devices effectively to aid clarity and cohesion in your essay.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with specific details and examples for a more compelling argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay close attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar to avoid errors that can impede understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider the organization of your essay, ensuring that paragraphs are well-balanced and ideas flow logically from one to the next.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!