The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is often argued that the role of science should be to improve
people
's lives. Although
I agree with the statement above, I believe that scientific advancement
must not limit itself to the extent of people
's livelihood. This
essay will argue that although
satisfying people
's needs is important we must acknowledge that scientific advancement
must also
go beyond human-centric conception.
On one hand, there are already numerous scientific advantage
that help improve Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
people
's lives such
as the advancement
in the field of medicine and transportation. Take scientific advancement
in medical sectors for
example, it directly improves our life expectancy. Other advancements in the transportation field Add the comma(s)
, for
for example
, with the discovery of modern personal vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
such
as car
that help with our mobility.
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
On the other hand
, we must acknowledge that there are
scientific Change the verb form
is
advancement
that helps with the improvement of our lives also
have a direct contribution towards the destruction of our environment and the planet we live in. Correct word choice
and also
For instance
, the advancement
of modern medicine also
correlated to the increasing medical waste that could potentially hazardous
towards other Add a missing verb
be hazardous
creature
. Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
Other example
would be the advancements Change the wording
Another example
Other examples
of
transportation Change preposition
in
such
as personal vehicle that contributes to the increasing number of emission
that exacerbate Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
the
greenhouse gas Correct article usage
apply
emission
.
In conclusion, believe that there Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
are
nothing wrong with the statement that science should improve Change the verb form
is
people
's live
. Replace the word
lives
However
, we must concede that the notion of improving people
's live
Replace the word
lives
sometimes
related to Add a missing verb
is sometimes
the
environmental destruction. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
, I believe that the important
of science should not only Replace the word
importance
improving
Change the verb form
improve
be improving
people
's live
but Replace the word
lives
also
improving
other creatures that live in our environment.Wrong verb form
improve
Submitted by athaarhdyn on
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coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion demonstrate the presence of an opinion on the topic, to improve the logical structure of the essay, consider creating a more cohesive thread between paragraphs. Use clear transitional phrases and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the one before it to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Some main points are supported, but you could enhance the essay by developing your ideas further. Expand on how certain scientific advancements go beyond helping people's lives, and explain why this broader perspective is beneficial. Use more diverse sentence structures and better-developed paragraphs to make your argument clearer and more compelling.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully respond to the task by discussing your viewpoint to the full extent required. While you have provided relevant ideas, deepen your exploration of the topic to fully address the prompt. For example, discuss additional dimensions of how science can improve lives, and balance this with a nuanced look at potential drawbacks or alternate aims of science.
task achievement
Clarity can be enhanced by making sure ideas are not only presented but also thoroughly explained. Work on expressing your points more comprehensively to ensure the reader fully grasps your argument. Use examples more effectively by clearly connecting them to your main points, which adds depth to your ideas.
task achievement
Use more specific and directly relevant examples to support your arguments. Instead of broad statements about scientific fields, pinpoint particular inventions or studies that clearly illustrate your point. This specificity will allow you to demonstrate a closer link between scientific advances and their impact on lives and the environment.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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