IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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It is often argued that the role of science should be to improve
people
's
lives
.
Although
 I agree with the statement above, I believe that scientific
advance
Replace the word
advancement
show examples
 must not limit itself to the extent of
people
's livelihood.
This
 essay will argue that
although
 satisfying
people
's needs is important we must acknowledge that scientific
advance
Fix the agreement mistake
advances
show examples
 must
also
 go beyond human-centric conception. On one hand, there are already numerous scientific advantages that help improve
people
's
lives
such
 as the improvement in the field of medicine and transportation. Take scientific upgrading in medical sectors,
for example
, it directly improves our life expectancy. Other advancements in the transportation field
for example
, with the discovery of modern personal vehicles
such
 as cars that help with our mobility.
On the other hand
, we must acknowledge that there is scientific advancement that helps with the improvement of our
lives
 and
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a direct contribution towards the destruction of our environment and the planet we live in.
For instance
, the advancement of modern medicine
also
 correlated to the increasing medical waste that could potentially be hazardous towards other creatures. Another example would be the advancements in transportation
such
 as personal vehicle that contributes to the increasing number of emissions that exacerbate greenhouse gas emissions. In conclusion, believe that there is nothing wrong with the statement that science should improve
people
's
lives
.
However
, we must concede that the notion of improving
people
's
lives
 is sometimes related to environmental destruction.
Therefore
, I believe that the importance of science should not only improve
people
's
lives
 but
also
 improve other creatures that live in our environment.
Submitted by athaarhdyn on

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Task Achievement
Work on providing clear, specific examples that directly support your arguments. Examples should be detailed to illustrate your point effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with clear transitions and topic sentences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure all main points are fully supported by evidence or examples within the body paragraphs to strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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