Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is a common belief that high
school
curriculums should mandate voluntary works such
as contributing charities
, enhancing society areas and attracting children to Change preposition
to charities
sport
. In my Fix the agreement mistake
sports
opinion
they can have numerous negatives for student`s Add a comma
opinion,
life
and quality of work.
On the one hand, there are several advantages of attending voluntary work for children`s characters. One of the main positive
is Change to a plural noun
positives
this
extra
- curriculum activities can develop one`s mindset and viewpoint Correct word choice
extracurricular
to
society and it Change preposition
of
more
leads to being Correct quantifier usage
apply
sociable
and Add an article
a sociable
introvert
person. Replace the word
introverted
Additionally
, while
doing local tasks, they may never overlook the fact that today`s environment and neighborhood if they are engaged to
voluntary services. The reason of that when they realize that these types of tasks are extremely important for Change preposition
in
individual`s
Correct article usage
an individual`s
life
and society, It can help to future prosperity for county development.
On the other hand
, unpaid services of this
kind is extremely
bad effect Correct article usage
an extremely
to
student`s Change preposition
on
life
and their exam. Similarly
, while
doing community works
, they Fix the agreement mistake
work
reluctant
to do Add a missing verb
are reluctant
them
. One of the predominant Correct pronoun usage
it
reason
for Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
this
when students of high school
program
work without reward, they have Fix the agreement mistake
programs
tendency
to Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
being
lazy and it Change the form of the verb
be
effects
to lack of productivity in Verb problem
results in
that
local tasks. Correct determiner usage
apply
For instance
, school
duties or social services. In contrast
, if the service is made the sole option of students, this
more
likely to produce feelings of Add a missing verb
is more
self worth
and satisfaction.
Add a hyphen
self-worth
To conclude
, while
some may argue that unpaid community works
can affect students` Fix the agreement mistake
work
life
, behaviors and country development, I strongly believe that high Fix the agreement mistake
lives
school
students` main focus should be their study as well as
they have to make a
Correct article usage
apply
decision
themselves.Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the prompt, but the points made are not fully developed and explored. Ensure you elaborate on your points to fully answer the question.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay shows an understanding of essay organization; however, the logical sequence is sometimes hard to follow. Try using clearer topic sentences and more cohesive devices to guide the reader.
task achievement
You have included examples, but they are not always clear or fully relevant to the argument. Try to provide specific, detailed examples to support your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be clearer and stronger. Make sure your thesis statement succinctly states your position, and your conclusion reflects back on this effectively.
task achievement
Consider your position carefully and make it clear throughout the essay; wavering between different views can confuse the reader. Pick a stance and consistently support it with arguments and examples.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example