Some people suggest that sport champions should be banned from television, meanwhile the others say it is allowed. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Several people propose that
sport
competitions ought to be banned Change the noun form
sports
being
Change preposition
from being
broadcasted
on Wrong verb form
broadcast
television
, whilst some argue that it
should be allowed. Correct pronoun usage
they
This
essay disagrees with the notion that television
channels
should not transmit sport
championships as it is a form of entertainment for the majority of people, and because the Change the noun form
sports
athletes
that are telecasted are role models for many, especially the youth.
Sports
channels
that run sporting events, such
as sports
champions, exists
as a source of enjoyment for their viewers. Banning the broadcast of Correct subject-verb agreement
exist
sport
competitions would deprive many of Change the noun form
sports
this
joy and the availibility
to watch high-level performances from the Correct your spelling
availability
athletes
. Furthermore
, it could affect the overall
television
ratings and streaming revenues. A recent survey conducted by Kompas suggests that 72% of television
watchers are sports
enthusiasts, with the highest screen time accumulation spent on sports
channels
.
Many players in sport
races can play a pivotal role in motivating youth today to engage in more physical activities. Change the noun form
sports
This
is seen as a positive impact for
many children and teenagers, especially given the condition today's generation Change preposition
on
are
not keen Correct subject-verb agreement
is
in
spending their time Change preposition
on
to do
Change the verb form
doing
outdoors
activities. Replace the word
outdoor
Moreover
, a significant amount of children and teenagers have a desire to follow in these athletes
' footsteps after following episodes of sport
championships aired on Change the noun form
sports
television
. For instance
, research done on students at Jakarta Primary School concluded that the vast majority, 84% to be precise, dream to become sportsman
after viewing Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
sport
competitions with their parents at home.
In conclusion, it is not necessary to prohibit Change the noun form
sports
television
channels
from airing sport
champions since it gives positive contributions Change the noun form
sports
such
as providing enterntainment
for Correct your spelling
entertainment
sports
enthusiasts, and aspiring athletes
wannabees.Submitted by pink panther on
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Coherence & Cohesion
To further improve your score, you should ensure that your introduction sets the stage for the arguments you plan to make, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your points without introducing new information. Try to use a greater variety of sentence structures and connective phrases to enhance flow and cohesion between points.
Task Achievement
Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task by thoroughly discussing your position on the issue. A balanced argument that acknowledges the opposing viewpoint before justifying your own position may lend more depth to your response. Enhance task achievement by providing a clearer thesis statement and ensuring consistency in argument throughout the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
