Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required?
These days, there has been a dramatic increase in healthy diet can play
number
of Change the article
a number
the number
reseaches
about the methods to improve public health. Some Correct your spelling
researches
researchers
people
are in
Verb problem
apply
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
belief
that the effective way is Replace the word
believe
that
to increase the Correct pronoun usage
apply
number
of sport
facilities, Change the noun form
sports
while
others feel that this
has little effect and other things should be involved. In this
essay, both views will be discussed with examples.
One of the main reasons which cause some individuals to think that more sport
amenities would help Change the noun form
sports
this
can be that it would encourage them to do work outs
. Correct your spelling
workouts
This
means that if you see some one
who is working out in Correct your spelling
someone
park
, you will be motivated to Add an article
the park
a park
parsuade
him. Correct your spelling
persuade
As a consequence
, the number
of these people
will raise
day by day. Correct your spelling
rise
Moreover
, They feel that high prices of these machines, less
humans would have an opportunity to work out. Change the quantifier
fewer
As a result
, more facilities would decrease the prices, which enables
poorer individuals to do Wrong verb form
would enable
exercises
.
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
On the other hand
, others argue that this
method would not be effective enough, and other options are required. They feel that although
doing exercises can be helpful, it can not prevent some from smoking. To tackle this
,the government should ban people
from smoking in public locations, which would decrease the number
of smokers and it would be a great contributor. In addition
, They feel thatCorrect article usage
a
important
role in Correct article usage
an important
this
. So, the government should raise the tax on junk food. As a result
, less
Change the quantifier
fewer
people
might face obesity and deal with other diseases. For instance
, in Iran, these kinds of food are pricy, and the statistic illustrates that only 30 per cent of the society tend
to purchase them.
In conclusion, there are arguments about how to help public health Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
getting
better. Some believe there should be more Wrong verb form
get
sport
amenities, Change the noun form
sports
however
, others think there are other ways. I tend to agree with the second idea, and in my opinion, instead
of concentrating about
one factor, we should think about more options, Change preposition
on
such
as decreasing the number
of smokers.Submitted by Ah.mahdavi1365 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and the supporting sentences are directly related to this main idea. Avoid straying off-topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on the clarity and formulation of the introduction and conclusion. Make sure they summarise the topic and your position succinctly.
Task Response
Support your ideas with specific examples. These examples need to be relevant and adequately elaborated to support your point effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas and strive for a variety of sentence structures to enhance the logical flow and complexity of your essay.
Task Response
Make sure that the essay directly addresses the questions asked. Ensure that the response is complete and covers all aspects of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example