The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.

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The preference of Australian children's side activities is depicted through the visual above. All the data were taken from the age group of 5-14-years-old youngsters. The red charts represent boys,

while

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the green bars represent girls. Both are in percentage, between 0 and 100 per cent. There are five kinds of activities, which are skateboarding or rollerblading, bike riding, watching TV or videos, electronic or computer games,

also

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arts and crafts.

Overall

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, the chart can be analyzed by two different means.

Firstly

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, by observing the preference of each sex.

Secondly

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, by classifying the data into active and passive classes. Based on the sexes, each group of adolescents share the same degree of watching TV or videos at 100%.

In contrast

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, arts and crafts are accountable as the lowest choice for young males. Meanwhile, girls do not favour skateboarding or rollerboarding. It comes in the fifth place among other options.

On the other hand

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, it is evident that school boys decide to opt for active choices,

such

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as skateboarding or rollerblading (sports). Girls have distinctive options toward young men, most of them are on the side of passive activities, like watching TV, playing games, and doing arts or crafts. In fact, their percentage is consistently 10-20% lower in sports.

aryasblearningSat Jan 27 2024

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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8
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

208 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

leisure activities
favored
noteworthy trends
disparities
participating
popularity
demographics
speculating
surprising findings
technological advancements
societal changes
promotional efforts
educational planning
balanced lifestyle

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The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.

Robots and AI are being developed to replace humans in the workplace Why is this happening? Do you think it will have a positive or negative impact on society?

Nowadays, the mobile phone plays a major role in our lives, which brings many benefits to us but also contains some drawbacks. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

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It is too expensive to look after and repair old building. This money should be spent on building modern building instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?