In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In some places across the world, it is common for children to be told that everything is possible through hard
work
. While
this
is good because it motivates people
to be hardworking, it dismisses how privilege plays a big part in success, which can lead to people
not being able to face failure when they feel like they have given their maximum effort.
One of the advantages of telling kids
that everything is achieveable
through hard Correct your spelling
achievable
work
is that it can motivate people
to work
hard to reach their dreams. This
keeps people
motivated throughout their journey, keeps
them from giving up, which increases the chance of them succeeding. Walt Disney, Correct word choice
and keeps
as
Change preposition
for
an
example, has gone through many ups and downs in the process of building Disney. He tried different styles of animations, Correct article usage
apply
different
styles of stories. If he Correct word choice
and different
gave
up in the middle of that process, one of the main animation studios in Wrong verb form
had given
this
world would not exist today.
However
, it is important to remember that privilege is also
a big factor of
success. Change preposition
in
This
is the main disadvantage for telling children that hard work
is everything,
because it does not prepare Remove the comma
apply
people
for failure because of things outside of their control. Everyone have
a different starting point and Change the verb form
has
backgrounds
, Fix the agreement mistake
background
such
as a better education and a wealthier background, and it can lead to different advantages in their career. It is important to remember these kinds of things while
chasing your dreams to manage your dreams and be resilient. For example
, in a chapter of a
Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Outliers, he explained that children Correct article usage
apply
that
come from rich families get to spend their holiday productively to continue practicing their academic skills, Correct pronoun usage
who
while
kids
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
comes
from Change the verb form
come
a
poorer Correct article usage
apply
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
needs
to help their parents in the farmland, away from academics. Correct subject-verb agreement
need
As a result
, the grades of the wealthier kids
are higher than the poorer ones. In other words
, being smart is not the only thing that affects grades, but coming from a background that allows you to study is also
very (if not more) important.
In conclusion, telling kids
that everything is achieveable
through hard Correct your spelling
achievable
work
can be a great motivation for them to keep going. But, at the same time
it can lead to them breaking down when they Add a comma
time,
failed
to achieve what they are trying to do after giving their best efforts.Wrong verb form
fail
Submitted by acupofbrownsugar
on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical progression of ideas but transitions between the points could be smoother. Consider using more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly paraphrases the task question and presents a thesis statement outlining the main advantages and disadvantages you will discuss. Your conclusion effectively summarizes the points made, but linking it back to the introductory thesis can strengthen the overall structure of your essay.
task achievement
Develop your main points fully by expanding the explanation of how telling children that hard work guarantees success can be both beneficial and detrimental. Include more specific examples to support your arguments, ensuring that these examples are directly relevant to the point being made and elaborated further.
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to convey your points with greater precision and variety. This can help to enhance the clarity of your ideas and leave a more positive impression on the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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