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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below show the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below show the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #consumption #fish #kinds #meat #european #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The diagram illustrates fish and various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of meat consumption in a city
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Europe from 1979 to 2004.
In addition
Linking Words
, the data
Add a missing verb
was measures
show examples
measures
Replace the word
measured
show examples
 in
grams
Use synonyms
 per person each week.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the consumption of
chicken
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramatically climbed in the whole period, the other features which are
beef
Use synonyms
, lamb, and fish experienced a decline with some fluctuation. At
first,
Linking Words
chicken
Use synonyms
 stood just under 150
grams
Use synonyms
 which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 in the third position
then
Linking Words
 it sharply grew until the end period of time.
As a result
Linking Words
, in 2004, the highest type of
meats
Fix the agreement mistake
meat
show examples
 that was consumed by
European
Fix the agreement mistake
Europeans
show examples
 was
chicken
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
 with
beef
Use synonyms
,
beef
Use synonyms
 became the most favorable meat in 1979, but
then
Linking Words
 suddenly there was a considerable
dipped
Replace the word
dip
show examples
 that
made
Verb problem
put
show examples
beef
Use synonyms
located
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in the second position with a great difference from
chicken
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, each person consumed lamb with 150
grams
Use synonyms
 in a week in 1979.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
 moderately dropped until stopped at a little more than 50
grams
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
unsignificant
Correct your spelling
insignificant
 changes
experienced
Add a missing verb
were experienced
show examples
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the consumption of fish which
deacreased
Correct your spelling
decreased
approximately
Change preposition
by approximately
show examples
 50
grams
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by joyapakpahan on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words grams, chicken, beef with synonyms.
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