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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010.

The graph below shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010.
The line graph provides data about the changes in food
consumption
Use synonyms
 by Chinese individuals between 1985 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, in all years
fish
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 had the highest
consumption
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rate
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 compared to
meat
Use synonyms
 and
salt
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. As can clearly be seen,
initially
Linking Words
fish
Use synonyms
 had the highest
consumption
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 at 600
grams
Use synonyms
, meanwhile,
Use synonyms
meat
Add an article
the meat
show examples
 had the lowest
consumption
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rate
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with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 100
grams
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. Originally, the
consumption
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rate
Use synonyms
 of
salt
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 was a little less than 500
grams
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, over time it started to decrease gradually and in 2010 the
consumption
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rate
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 of
salt
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 was 200
grams
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. Despite the decline in
salt
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consumption
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,
meat
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 and
fish
Use synonyms
 experienced an increase. In 1990 the
consumption
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rate
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 of
fish
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 was 700
grams
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. From 1990 to 1995 the
consumption
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rate
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 of
fish
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 declined from 700
grams
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 to 600 reaching
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
its initial
rate
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,
however
Linking Words
, from 1995 to 2010 the
consumption
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rate
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 of
fish
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 started to rise and in 2010 the
consumption
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rate
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 of
fish
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 reached its peak accounting for approximately 850
grams
Use synonyms
. In 1990 the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
meat
Use synonyms
 was more or less 150
grams
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,
however
Linking Words
 over time it rose and in 2010 reached its peak at 200
grams
Use synonyms
. In 2010
fish
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 had the highest
consumption
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rate
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, meanwhile, the
consumption
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 rates of
meat
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 and
salt
Use synonyms
 were the same accounting for 200
grams
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, fish, rate, meat, salt, grams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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